Chapter I: Matt

All the chapters are available here: https://aylahurst.blogspot.com/p/no-mans-land.html
The full story is in Spanish available here: https://aylahurst.blogspot.com/p/alaskan-bush-people.html

When I opened my eyes the morning was well advanced. I turned quickly to see if Matt was still at my side or it had simply been a dream. There was no one, the bed was cold, but there was no doubt that someone had been there: I could not say for sure if he had spent the whole night at my side or if he had just been awhile and gone back to the couch, the question was that it was gone.

A chill ran down my spine as I discovered my thin silk pyjama from the blankets, covered myself with a pink sweater, and went to fetch Matt. At first I thought he would be in the bathroom, but the water did not run, and he hated showers, he preferred the cold river water to a relaxing hot bath. I went down the stairs desperately, shouting his name. The sofa blankets were rumpled and the mini bar doors opened. "Shit!" I ran to find out what was missing: a bottle of vodka and another of whiskey, “he had not even looked at the labels, he had taken the first two he had found and left”. I was already cursing him when I discovered him behind the window: he was on his back in front of the bay, his torso bare. The wind ruffled the curls of her hair ... I did not think twice, I grabbed the blanket from the sofa and went out looking for it. The cold cut my bare legs, “I had not even dressed!” My pink silk pyjama in suspenders and shorts were so cute, but it was not the most suitable to travel in Alaska, and the delicate matching jersey was not that it helped much. I had brought the blanket for Matt, but I could not help wrapping myself with her as I approached him. He had a bottle in his hand and the other beside his bare feet. Both filled up and sealed: I felt very proud of him. I did not know I was going to tell him: “good morning” would be fine option ... but a: why did you get into my bed last night? It would dispel many doubts from my head. He was wrong and I did not want to pressure him, I did not want him to think I was his enemy ... But that gesture had dislocated me. Maybe I should have said something the moment I noticed her lie down beside me, but instead I decided to stay still and fall asleep. I felt her warmth, even though I was not touching her, and her calm, leisurely breathing.

It's spring, it's the hunting season soon- Matt did not even look away from the sea. He watched as the wind carried large chunks of ice through the black water. In the distance, the tail of a whale broke into white foam the small waves of the bay. Matt was an Alaskan Bush man, raised and tanned in the woods, my cosmopolitan scent revealed my position and knew immediately that he was waiting behind him ... My brothers will start hunting soon ...

And you'll be with them by then.

Matt turned to me. He was thirty-three years old, but he seemed much older: the alcohol and the hard life of the forest had crushed his skin. His hair was very curly and the light brown was beginning to be covered by a grey cloak. What fascinated me most about him were his eyes: perfectly round, oval, with a thick black line wrapping the light blue iris and a huge bright pupil in the centre. They were full of life or so they said, because I could only see them overshadowed by two huge black bags ... His mother also said that Matt's most beautiful was his smile, but since I knew him I had not seen him smile.

What makes you think I'll be accepted back into the herd? After how I treated them.

I stood a foot from him and snatched the bottle. He was not a tall man, but his shoulders were broad and his body muscled. I could not help blushing when he looked me in the eye: I had always been a shy person, especially with men, and I found Matt a really attractive man:

They’ll do it. They are your family.

And if they do not? What will be of me? Where will I go?

Matt, let's discuss this inside ... it’s cold...

He looked at me in surprise. He was half naked and seemed unmoved. She had her nipples bristling and goose bumps, the wind was twisting her hair hard ... But she seemed to be fine ... Sometimes I forgot how hard the men in Alaska are.

I promised that I’d take you with them, and that I will ...- I tried to change the subject, I did not want to appear weak in front of Matt “your mother is very eager to see you, and so are your brothers and sisters ...

Even Bam?

Even Bam.

What about my father, did he say something to you?

I shook my head.

Billy didn’t want to talk to me about it, he was very disappointed with Matt. He had cast the blame for his addiction to his way of life, the one his father had been fighting for so long. Ami had said that despite everything, Billy wanted to keep the family together, and that he would be the first to give her a hug as soon as he saw him arrive.

But I'm sure he'll be glad to see you. - I had to somehow break the uncomfortable silence between us.

That would look great on your book, would not it? I would make you very good press: Famed writer Ayla Hurst achieves reconciliation between Alaskan Bush People's Billy Brown and her son Matt, an ungrateful alcoholic shit...

It is done. I clenched my fists and forced myself to be strong. I was not going to cry in front of Matt. I hated when someone criticized my way of living ... Yes, I was famous and I had a lot of money, but it was all thanks to my efforts, my successes and my failures. I did not mean to beat the press by helping people like Matt, I mean, no one knew we were there ...

You know that's not the way it is, Matt ...- The voice shook me and I felt a lump in my throat. "That place was killing you, you should be in the woods, with your family and not in that shitty centre of absurd therapies ...

Do not be kind to me ... I know the celebrities of your kind...

He was treating me like an animal.

I'm no celebrity, you know nothing about me Matt. I decided to help you because your mother begged me. No one helped me when I was in trouble, I had no one, I had to get by on my own ... and if I can help someone who is in the same situation as me now, I do.

You came to Alaska to study me and my family. But you found that I was locked up in that madhouse and you thought that getting me out and meeting with them would have a good story for your next book.

You’re wrong Matt ...-My voice was so weak that I could not hold back the tears I doubted he could hear me.

Admit it! - He shouted. -I'm just a study object for you. A frog to dissect in the lab.

I slapped him in the face. Matt held his cheek blank.

If you do not believe me, go ahead, do not do it. I just want to help you. I promised that I would take you home with your family and that you would apologize for acting like an idiot and when Ayla Hurst makes a promise.

Matt grabbed my face with both hands and planted a kiss on my lips.

What are you doing? - I asked, startled away, immediately.

It was the only way you could shut up... -he sighed and almost smiled.

“Is it true that they say that life in the forest develops double the senses? Would Matt have felt how attractive he looked?”

I climbed the stairs with my legs wrapped around her waist without taking my mouth off her lips. I enjoyed stroking his strong neck and clinging to his firm muscles. We reached the room and lay me on the bed, the blinds were half-run, so the gloom flooded the room and I could barely see the blue of his irises from the rest of the eyes. He separated from me. I looked at his robust body, forged from many years of hard work in the woods. His biceps were thick and his pectorals very sharp. A thin strip of grey and black hair ran up his torso, traversing his navel. I felt ashamed and timidly covered my belly with my arm. I had never been overly fond of dieting or exercise, I was thin, but my body was flaccid and limp compared to Matt's muscle fibres. He went to my desk and grabbed a notebook and a pencil and threw it at me.

What do you expect me to do with this?

You did not want to study me? Then go ahead ... Draw me.

I was really surprised by her proposal. -"Are you seriously going to leave me with this heater?" Matt sat on a chair, upside down, looking up at me, folding his arms over his back and resting his chin. “He was serious”.

Come on! What are you waiting for?

My whole body was shaking as I got up to turn on the lamp on my desk. That way he had partially lit up and he could see the features of his face better. He noticed my nervousness as my vibrating hand brushed a strand of stubble from his eyes.

I picked up my hair and sat on the edge of the bed began to draw it. At first the strokes did not go well, my hand trembled and my mind could not concentrate. I couldn’t look at him for more than two seconds in a row, because then I was beginning to blush and the nervous giggle of a hysterical teenager.

What are you laughing at? - Apparently I was beginning to like that about dominating the situation in the face of my small-girl reactions.

Nothing ... It's just ... it reminds me of a scene from a movie: Titanic. Have you seen it?

No.

Well, you should ... It's a very romantic story. Rose asks Jack to paint her wearing only a necklace.

If you want I can do the same ...-He showed me the tusk that was tied around his neck with a piece of black cord.

It won’t be necessary.-I laughed nervously.

Matt jumped up.

Let me see ...-he said with my notebook.

It's not over yet...- I protested, pulling him away.

Obviously he was stronger than me so in a couple of struggles he had already snatched the notebook. He stared in astonishment at his half-lit face, his round blue eyes, and his thick curved lips. I was not too proud of my portrait, but he seemed fascinated.

He stroked the curls of his hair and then touched those of the drawing ... He was not too accustomed to see his face reflected, let alone drawn.

Well? - I asked doubtfully.

It's great ...-he said after a moment without looking away from him. Then he put the notebook back on my table and devoured me with his eyes.

Okay, you've already studied me ... Now you have to let me study you.

"How?" Matt was always amazed at every passing moment. His brother Gabe, had talked about his wild inventions, his crazy and strange ideas ... It was the funniest of the family and undoubtedly the most original and I wasn’t letting myself down as such. He grabbed my hand and placed me standing in the middle of the room. He let go of the pickpocket that held my hair and let the blond strands caress my shoulders. He grabbed the sweater and slid it down his arms: a chill ran down my spine. He walked stealthily round me.

"You’ve studied me your way, now I‘m going to do mine ... As we do in Alaska ..." His eyes were in front of mine, delicate as a prince placed a lock of hair on my ear, he covered my belly and lifted my chin to examine me better ”In the woods, when we discover something new, we examine with the five senses to determine if it is a threat or not: I just looked at you, now I'll hear you .- I was tensed the muscles as his ear settled on my chest and began to hear my heartbeat and my breathing. "Perfect, let's move to the smell." He made a little fool sniffing the air like a dog. He turned me around again and took my hair to his nose, sniffing it overboard. I jerked him away when he lifted my arm to smell the armpit, and almost pulled me to the floor when he sank his face to sniff my neck. His breath flooded my neck. "You smell good," he whispered.

His hands were cold and rough as he began to touch my face. I shook in trembling as I tucked them into the back of my neck and closed the curve of my shoulders. When he reached the suspenders, he slid them down, letting the shirt reach the feet. My chest was bare, and I felt the impulse to cover myself with my arms. He didn’t leave me, he joined his hands to mine, raising them to the level of the eyes, like Tarzan and Jane; examining my five fingers, smaller and thinner than his, as if I had never seen a woman's hand. His gaze was absolutely fascinating ... At that moment he seemed to realize that I was naked from the waist up, released my hand abruptly and encircled my breast with her. I gripped her wrist nervously. He looked at me: not confused or angry, he simply looked at me, and that simple fact was enough to let him continue "studying me." He was afraid to hold it with his hand, so he traced it with his fingers, felt his rough fingers brushing the tip of my nipple. He stood on his knees, his hands clasping my hips. He stroked the tattoo on my belly, as if checking it out. He licked his navel, and I burst into laughter. He smiled, Matt smiled ... And it was true, he had the most beautiful smile I had ever seen ... I stroked his hair while he let me carry his caresses and kisses: he had gone to the fifth sense, he was testing me ... He untied with skilful hands the knot of the shorts and I finished undressing completely. I squeezed his hair against me as I felt her lips on the hairs on my crotch. "The bastard is exciting me as never before ..." He stood up slowly, not before testing with his teeth my pink nipples, my neck ... Finally he sank his tongue into my mouth: his breath was strong, dense and his mouth extremely hot.

I circled his strong neck with my arms and we melted into a host of passionate kisses in a knot of arms and legs.

"Apart from using the senses, there's another thing we use in Alaska: instinct ..." he said as we continued to hug each other.

"And what does your instinct tell you?" I asked, more relaxed and more comfortable with his presence after breaking my personal space.

"Today we're going to spend good time ..." I didn’t allow him to finish the sentence, I bit his lower lip in my desperation to feel him inside. My hands played with the button of his brown pants and slide the zipper down. I uncovered the visible bulge of his underpants, and my curiosity, as to how my new object of desire, would increase every second. He was as excited as I was: at that moment I didn’t know if he wanted me for myself or because I had not touched a woman for a long time, but that erection certainly gave me the confidence I needed to take control of the situation. I led him to the bed and I lay him on his back, I settled on him and enjoyed his mouth a little more. His sturdy hands caressed my back and ran down the curve of my waist, soaking in me: from my skin, from my shapes. I began to play with the bulge of his underpants. The gestures on his face told me he liked it ... I reached inside and gripped his cock firmly. She dug her nails into my thigh and bit her lip with pleasure. He did not let me masturbate for too long, he was too excited and knew his body well enough to know that he was not going to explode at any moment, and he preferred to enjoy the situation in another way. That didn’t stop me, I played with the tip of his glans and the entrance of my lips for a while, while his hands pushed my hips down, and his face turned red by the effort. I hit the blow member. He dug his nails into my thighs again and let out a choked sigh. He almost ejaculate into the first attack, he asked me to make it soft, he wanted to enjoy the moment ... I did not object to it and began to move as delicate as I could back and forth. The excitement that had engulfed me at first as he "studied" had disappeared. My forest man had become a tender teenager in his first time. Perhaps I would have enjoyed it more if Matt had let the savage in the room come out, but I cannot deny that I liked to treat him with that tenderness. His hands moved over my body as I picked up the pace. We both groaned in pleasure and when he found himself with more control over his body he began to move as well. Guide her hands to my breasts and squeezed them tightly. He grabbed me by the waist and sat up to make love to me sitting. I felt free to move so easily over him, grasping his powerful back, moaning without fear of being heard. He would also scream with pleasure, bite my neck and scratch my back as I squeeze his curls against me. That stance did not last too long since Matt could not take it anymore and ran. The depth of her orgasm, her breath in my neck, her teeth and nails on my skin also wet my crotch: I bit my lip and closed my eyes to feel how I had filled with his essence.

He let himself fall exhausted, I waited a few more moments with him inside me. I hadn’t reached orgasm, but that hadn’t stopped me from enjoying every second of that savage, and I honestly loved to feel that beast of Alaska inside me. Then I lay down beside him, instinctively curled up in his chest where I was welcomed by a hug: it smelled of wet ground and musk, of nature, of forest, of alpha male ... To me, instead, I invaded the shampoo chemicals and creams and the sweet smell of the hair mask. He was not a hairy man: barely had hair on his arms and chest: Still I allowed myself the luxury of braiding the silver curls of his torso. He was panting, exhausted, he had turned red, and gradually began to regain the normal colour of his skin.

I swear ... it's the first time I've been ...- he breathed out gasping.

Don't worry, I liked it

Next time I'll do better- "So there will be next time?" -I hadn’t been with a girl for a long time ...

I pulled away from him and sat up on my elbow, Matt did the same. It looked out of a magazine. Maybe I was idealizing too much in my head, but he seemed the most attractive man I had ever been with.

That's why you got into my bed last night?

He turned red like a tomato.

You figured out ..."-My eyes twinkled. -I thought you were asleep. I just wanted to see you sleep, to feel you breathe ... I've been more than a month alone, in that horrible grey cell ... I missed seeing someone else ... I've always enjoyed solitude, but I was killing myself, I needed to be with someone else.

Reality hit me in the face like a pitcher of cold water. I just wanted to be with someone, it could have been me as it could have been anyone. I was just the first whore that had put in front of him. I was disgusted with myself, I felt dirty and used. For a moment he had felt compassion for that savage alcoholic, even affection ... And who knows if over time: Love. Knowing me, I wondered how I had not fallen in love with him.

I think I owe you an apology ...-His blue eyes stabbed me again. “Would you apologize for using me?"-I should not have treated you like that outside, I was angry, I tend to pay them with the whole world when I get angry.

Don’t worry ...-I felt a lump in my throat and I had to hold back the tears.

May I ask you a question?-Matt was the most sociable and extroverted of the brothers and the most indiscreet. His poor knowledge of society and social behaviours sometimes caused him to get into uncomfortable situations with the rest of the people.

Come on-It was the first thing I thought to say, even though I feared that the answer to his question would be too personal.

I read about you. My little brother has you as an idol ... A normal girl, leaving a small town that triumphed by publishing stories on the Internet, wrote for Hollywood, had her own series, helps people who need it ... Look at you: you're beautiful, smart ... -“He thinks I'm beautiful and smart! "- You did it for yourself, with your efforts, without giving up, getting to where you are. Fulfil a dream, live a movie life, but…

But ...-I trembled, I could hardly speak without bursting into tears.

You seem very sad ... You have not come to the forest to study. You came here to escape- “He's smarter than he looks "-And I cannot help but wonder: why?

I stroked Matt's hard face, his smile making me feel confident. I didn’t use to sleep with boys on the first date, however with him: I told myself that Matt was different, maybe I wanted it to be different. I wanted to live my fairy tale with my wild Alaskan man, like the ones I usually write: with handsome, clear-eyed, muscular, sympathetic princes, and in my mind: Matt was becoming that. Not knowing exactly the reason: I told my story.

"I needed some time alone, to think and talk to myself. I have always been a lonely girl: when I was a teenager I said that I was going to go to Mongolia to stop seeing people. I've never had many friends or couples, not even the support of my family ... But I've never felt so alone as now: people pretend to be my friend or try to call me because I'm famous, not by myself ... My family doesn’t do more than ask me about the money but at no time have they asked for me: neither as I am nor if I am well, Nothing. People who had not spoken to me in life, suddenly wanted to be my best friends ... I was given the opportunity to write a book about you, about wildlife in Alaska and I did not think twice before I left ... Alone, I wanted people to see me, to see me and love me as I am: not because I'm famous, but by myself...

Matt rested his cheek on mine, like the cats when they called your attention to pet them:

I like you just the way you are ...- His attack of sincerity caught me by surprise, but I wasn’t a girl who allowed me to cajole so easily:

I dodged his touch. I didn’t like to talk about it, I was defensive and did not let anyone penetrate my shield.

What will you know? Just a couple of weeks ago that you know me.

But I'm naked by your side ...-His eyebrows lifted a smile. Matt noticed that I wasn’t feeling too comfortable with his questions and changed the subject. He slid his finger to my stomach and laid it on my tattoo. -I really like it, is it an anchor?

I nodded my head.

I did it for my father, he liked the boats a lot ...- His finger traced my stomach until he reached the left ribcage and ran his fingers over the other tattoo. -And this one here, who did you do it for?

He had studied well to discover the five small black words hidden under my chest and hidden behind my arm. I turned around so that Matt could appreciate the tattoo better. He leaned over me and his smell of wet ground invaded me again. I grabbed his wrist and pointed to each word with his finger:

"Strength", "Courage", "Heart" "Perseverance" "Values". They give me encouragement when I feel sad, I remind myself that if you make him want, you strive and you are brave: dreams can come true.

Matt stroked them in fascination with his fingertips.

I really like ... What language are they in? Arab?

"Elphic" I replied with a smile.

"Elphic? Really? -Every time he smiled I had no air. He covered the tattoo with his whole hand and stroked my side, brushing the pink flesh of my bare chest -I love it.

He grabbed the back of my neck and kissed me again. The embarrassment invaded me again: and I covered my flaccid body with the blanket. Matt seemed to annoy him, but he couldn’t compare me to that sculptural torso; He was different from all those little gymnasts with their marked abs. No, he was pure, natural ... I was afraid that he would realize that it had only been a bad dust to vent, and that soon he would find someone better, but I didn’t want to wake up from that dream with my prince of the forests of Alaska.

I'd like to take some pictures of you ... You know, for the study ...-I said timidly.

Of course, no problem, but ... I'm naked.-He peered into the blankets to ascertain his assertion.

You said there was no problem ...-we both laughed.

I looked desperate for my clothes, but I was too far away to catch her without Matt seeing me. I slipped with the sheet stuck to my chest to pick up the camera on my bedside table. I realized I still had sticky thighs ... "Shit!" I was so eager to fuck Matt that I had completely forgotten to use any contraceptive method, and the nearest pharmacy was not close enough to be effective in the "day after". We were having such a good time that I did not want to worry Matt about that now and I didn’t know when was the last time I had the period to calculate whether or not it was on my fertile days ... "I am so unlucky that I am able to get pregnant by An ill-given powder "

You okay?-Matt asked when he saw my reaction.

Yes, nothing happens ...- I picked up the camera, hiding my worried face.

Then why do you cover yourself with that sheet? Are you embarrassed to be naked in front of me?-I blushed and couldn’t answer his question. He took off the sheet that covered his waist-it’s okay, I'm naked too, look! -I didn’t dare to do it.- I did a couple of photos to Matt putting strange faces and then a pair as if it were the cover of some fashion magazine.

He was so natural, so attractive, so sincere ... I liked it as it spoke to me, with affection. Surely he is so kind with all, I could not get the idea that it was just a passing dust. He was thirteen years older than me, but I had always liked mature men, but how could I care? I was no more than an ugly fat baby from the city, but he ... He was my dream:

I do not usually lie naked in the forest for so long, it's too cold, but the truth is that I enjoy a lot.

I could not take it anymore and I started to cry. Matt jumped out of bed, not knowing what was going on, and pulled me into his arms.

That's it, it's all right ... It's all over ...-He was grateful for his warm embrace and his hands over my hair. I burst into his arms like a little girl, crying desperate. Matt rocked me gently from side to side as he whispered in my ear. -Don’t worry, it's all over, you're all set. I'm here ... -" I know, I know you're here, and I don’t want you to go. ”He didn’t know what was happening to me, but that did not matter to Matt to try to comfort me.

Matt?

Yes?

Do you remember when I told you that I had never felt so alone now?

Yes.

I've lied to you, I've been feeling lonely all my life.

"I've always been a shy, lonely girl. I haven’t had many friends throughout my life, and the few I've had I've ended up losing. I don’t trust anyone because the few friends I've had have turned their backs on me, they've abandoned me ... They were all liars and fakes! When I was Rain's age, I decided it was time to change, and I tried to like everyone, forgetting who I was, it was a gross error, because there was no day I didn’t lie down crying because I felt so alone.

Alone? And what about your family? Didn’t they care about you?

"I’ve never cared for my family, they’ve always been ashamed of me for being different: for not wanting to dress like the rest, or makeup or doing the same things. They haven’t known to accept me, they have always laughed at me, criticizing my tastes. I've never been a very smart girl, what's more, I'm pretty clumsy, I find it hard to do things right at first, learning in general costs me. And instead of the support that I needed they have done nothing but criticize me: laughing at me, calling me useless ... They force me to dress in a certain way, and if I didn’t they’d insult me, nor would they let me wear my hair to my liking, They said it was pathetic. But what hurt me most was that they considered me a useless.

You are not useless ...-His face turned sombre. Matt did not know what to say, and it was strange because he never shut up. I wiped the tears with the back of the blanket.

"They didn’t understand Matt, I was always the clumsy daughter, the freak, and the fat ... It hurts me a lot to remember. How could I hate myself so much, hate people ... It was a time when the mere sight of me in the mirror made me nauseous: I kept saying to myself: You're a monster! Ugly, useless, weird ... a fucking seal. That way no one will ever love you ... And then I fell ill: the girls at my school spent some time telling me that I was fat, that I ate like a boy, and that way I would never find a couple. I was a fool to ignore them: I spent months without eating, locked up in the bathroom vomiting, crying, wanting to die ... And no one noticed my absence, no one realized that I was not even that I didn’t eat. I didn’t give a shit about anyone, Matt.

I do not believe you! And your family? Did not they notice anything?

"They said I'd be over." That was silly breeding. All my problems are foolish pups. I do everything wrong and I'm no good. In the end of course it happened to me: but it was not thanks to anyone, it was thanks to myself. I began to write: I created Ayden, Ayla, and the whole troop of my books. They helped me out of trouble. That caused me to lock myself more in myself and to hate people more ... I just wanted to leave, to flee from that place ... And when everything started to go well: when classes were going better, I had a boyfriend and friends ... She returned, the girl that caused me the disease and ruined everything. I was without friends, I lost the support of my boy ... everything. I was alone again in this world, I wanted to die again. I wanted to run away, to leave that place, to come here, to the wild world. Without anyone ... Without anyone cares: without social networks that remind you that you have no friends, no empty WhatsApp, no one. I don’t want to be with anyone. I don’t want to go back to that world where appearances are all, I don’t want to be with a family that only cares about my money or friends who are aware of my fame. I want to stay here.

Then do it…

How?

You can’t go back to that place you hate so much. I'd kill you, just like the clinic would kill me. All that you have done has made you stronger, for God, you are admirable. I had never met anyone with such deep-rooted values, someone so strong. Now I understand your obsession to help people: you don’t want anyone to feel so alone, you want to help those who ask and do not listen.

But I'm a big head.-I have had to spend so much time alone that now I don’t want anyone to help me, I feel useless, I feel that I am bothering.

Matt looked at me with those beautiful blue eyes so bright:

You shouldn’t go back to a family that doesn’t care about you and that only makes your self-love less.

Matt, forget it ... I shouldn’t have told you anything. I don’t usually talk about this with a lot of people ... I'm afraid they'll get me in some place and I'll pump up pills for depression. And we are here for you, to help you.

You've helped me. You've helped me see how lucky I am to have a family like the one I have. Who loves me and who supports me ... And now I want to help you.

I wiped my tears with my sleeve.

What do you mean?

When are we going back to Brown town?

When you are ready. I didn’t want to take you directly if you needed some time to think.

So ... Can I stay here for a couple more days? And who knows, maybe ... to repeat what has happened before?

You can stay as long as you want ...- I nodded, still with tears in my eyes.

He put one hand on my shoulder and with the other's thumb wiped my tears:

We'll get dressed and go down to breakfast ... Maybe I can catch some crabs?

Maybe you can settle for bacon today?- I smiled. He had told Matt everything, barely knowing him... But he gave me so much confidence, I wanted so badly to get lost with him in Alaska. I was afraid, I was too afraid to fall in love with him, he was becoming my prince, the hero of my tales. He understood me, comforted me. I was encouraged. I had heard before: "You are well", "you are beautiful", and “You are not fat" ... But all were empty words, without any feeling, were part of my disgusting and superficial society. No one but Matt had appreciated my character, strong, temperamental. What they called strange to him was unique. He had tried hard to listen to me, to read my books. No one had read them before, no one knew how I felt because no matter how much I begged them to read, and nobody did. They were too vague, too egocentric to do so. Matt, please, for now, I'm falling in love with you, your smile, your way of speaking, you making me laugh ... How you talk to me, you do not underestimate me, and you do not call me useless. Matt, please do not go. I'm realizing how much I need you. I need someone like you next to me, with words full of emotions, to value me for what I am, not to diminish my self-esteem or to tell me that I am a clumsy or useless. Matt, please…

Okay, this time you're earning yourself… We'll eat bacon, we'll huddle by the fire. We will walk and read each other. We'll talk, we'll cry, we'll laugh. You will laugh at me and my ideas, and I will listen to you fascinated when you tell me some of your stories. I'll repeat what I did this morning a thousand times until it suits me, and I'll sleep next to you all night. And then, in two days' time, when you realize I'm the man in your life and you're in love with Alaska, we're going back to Brown town together, we're going home. Okay?

Okay.

He had the most beautiful smile I had ever seen.