Chapter V: Bear

All the chapters are available here: https://aylahurst.blogspot.com/p/no-mans-land.html
All the story is available in Spanish here: https://aylahurst.blogspot.com/p/alaskan-bush-people.html

Hello!

Hello,- I said, using my hand as a visor to see the humanoid shape swinging through the dark leaves of the immense tree. The sun didn’t allow me to distinguish correctly the boy's features, but to see his blond hair caressing his cheeks. -What are you doing up there?-I asked.

What are you doing down there? - He answered in his bright, happy voice.

I asked first.

I'm happier up here. I love to climb trees, it makes me feel good, cool. Do you like to climb?

I did it when I was a child, although my grandfather always scolded me. He used to say that "ladies like me shouldn’t climb trees".

What nonsense! The princesses also climb the trees ... - it was like talking to a big boy, for him everything was so simple. It is true that in Alaska, children never grown, but I was also glad for it. There was no such social pressure to fall on people, to always see you well, I could be myself, with my childish character, my stupid dreams, my romantic stories and my desire to live, without the need to think about protocol or in the politically correct.

Bear, do you mind if I climb up to the tree with you?

Of course not. Go ahead, do you know how to do it?

I won’t deny that I could use some help...

I timidly approached the tree and waited for Bear's directions. I focused my eyes on the tree trunk and sighed deeply: "You can do it," I repeated to myself over and over again.

You see those two branches over there. - I nodded toward the two protuberances of dull wood pointing through his gnawed glove. They were a couple of spans above my head and I didn’t know if I would reach them. -You have to jump until you grab them hard, then with your feet look for supports where you hold and push up.

I wasn’t too convinced about being able to do it, I wasn’t too fit and my weak arms couldn’t handle the weight of my huge butt.

I don’t know if I'll make it...

Come on, try it, I'll help you...- Bear descended a few branches, to place just above my points of support-Come!

He counted out loud to three, took a run and jumped, but I couldn’t reach the branches.

It's too high for me...- I tried to excuse myself almost in whispers, embarrassed.

It isn’t, you have doubted. If you think that you won’t reach it you will never do it. Come on, you just need a little more impulse, to the one of three.

I tried again, I brushed the branches with the tips of the fingers, ripping my palms through the fingerless wool gloves. The brush of the wood gave me the confidence I needed and I didn’t wait for Bear to count again to jump. I grabbed the branch with both hands using all my strength. My feet swayed for a while in the abyss until I managed to support them on the protrusions of the broad trunk. My arms began to ache to have to hold my weight, I closed my eyes and contracted my jaw to try to climb the branch. I felt Bear's strong arm grip my shoulder and pull me up, until I was able to sit on the thick branch. I sighed in relief and stared at the floor of mud and dry leaves that stretched under my damp impermeable boots. "I had gotten it, I had climbed a tree." I felt very proud of myself and I couldn’t stop smiling like a fool. From the corner of my eye, I could see how Bear was watching me too, with that smile so adorable and mischievous, sincere and those almond-shaped eyes, small and bright, full of pride, pleased. I couldn’t stop blushing because he looked at me so blatantly, but that was Bear, simple and sincere. A real forest man, he didn’t think I had to be uncomfortable because he just looked at me.

From here the branches are closer together and it is easier to climb, do you dare to climb a little more?" "Bear had the habit of not respecting personal space, his lips were so close to mine that it would be enough to push me gentle burst of air to kiss him. It smelled of strong sweat, mixed with pine resin and a wet dog. His breath wasn’t as intense as Matt's but his teeth were slightly yellowish.

Yes, I dare...- I answered convinced.

I got up first while Bear guided me from below and helped me push myself when I wasn’t strong enough. I was beginning to sweat through the anorak, but I couldn’t get him out in the middle of the climb. All the clothes began to bother me, the cap slipped in the sweat and prevented me from seeing and the gloves filled me with bark and bits of wood. "Would Nathan Drake also feel this uncomfortable when he climbs among the ruins?" We almost reached the glass and felt like the boots I weighed a ton each, wanted to take my hair off my face but I was afraid to let go of one of the branches and fall to the ground. It was about nine metres off the ground, I wasn’t afraid, I had never been afraid of heights, what astonished me was to have gotten it on my own. Bear crouched on a branch next to me, with that silly, charming smile and pointed to a spot among the leafy leaves.

Do you see why I'm happier here? Here, try this... -He tossed a piece of honeycomb, I was so concentrated climbing that I hadn’t even noticed that they were there. He picked up the piece without fear of being stung, and wearing a sleeveless vest. Although we were almost in summer, I rarely walked without anorak, and Bear climbed trees in straps. I picked up the little piece that was holding me up and gave it a little bite...

It's very sweet ... -the fingers were sticky, but I loved to feel like that yellow mass woke my taste buds with honeyed caresses that aroused in me a strange desire for excitement. Bear watched me savour my piece of honeycomb with a mischievous smile drawn on the lips.

I was impressed by the sight: the ocean lay before us, large and blue, white crests fluttering across the bay and the rays of the sun ripped out tongues of fire. Integrity swayed softly to the beat of the waves. It was magnificent. A whale jumped in the distance. It wasn’t the first time I saw them in Alaska, but they never ceased to amaze me, I would never tire of seeing their huge tails striking against the dark water and the jets of foamy water that flung skyward and lost in the wind.

It's incredible...-I whispered as I licked my fingers.

You know something…? There aren’t many girls who want to climb a tree with me... -he looked back at me. Bear always flirted with any girl he considered to be half-cute, he actually flirted with any girl who crossed his path, even though that girl had been dating his brother for months.

I don’t see why they don’t want to do it,-I replied. -If they saw this, they would be shocked.

It is one of the requirements that the future mother of my children must fulfil: to climb the trees and that she likes to make bonfires.

I was about to respond that I liked to make bonfires and that I had learned by watching him do them. But part of my fear that Bear would have happened to what had happened to Gabe. I still felt bad, when during the dinner Matt put his arm around me or kissed me, because even though he said he didn’t care, he still sensed Gabey's discomfort at the signs of affection of his brother towards me. Months ago I wouldn’t have imagined that three boys at one time considered me beautiful and liked them, I reflected on the talk with Gabe and that if I had wanted a little more I could have told myself that, in fact, it did attract attention of the men. I was afraid to get too close to Bear and confuse my intentions of being kind to another purpose, although I discarded that option almost immediately, was too clever, and knew that I was with Matt, it was just his way of talking to a girl. I felt dumb and humiliated for having considered that option even if only for a moment... Perhaps my ego was so bloated since it had arrived that it seemed to me that it liked any man who saw me in a profile.

The sun gleamed golden gleams on Bear's pale face: it had very sharp ciliary arches and a pointed chin covered with a golden goat's beard and a perfectly muscled moustache. It reminded me of a Neanderthal man, with his hair pulled back and dressed in furs he might well pass by Jondalar, the character of Jean Auel. His eyes were so tiny I could barely distinguish the colour of his irises, but they shone like two stars in an ivory sea. Along with Matt they were the shortest of the group, though he was considerably leaner than he was, but he was agile and quick as a wolf. George RR Martin could have been perfectly inspired in him to create Bran Stark. His way of seeing the world was simple, like a child, he was impatient and he was accelerated with respect to the rest of the family, if he lived in my city they would have told him that he suffered from a hyperactivity disorder and had swollen it to pills, for me, he just had an incredible desire to enjoy his life. At that moment and with my smile of triumph I decided that Solomon Freedom Brown would be a good inspiration for my next character.

Ayla!-Matt's unmistakable tone made me stop thinking about books for a while and return to my northern paradise. From my perspective I could see Matt's unmistakable old brown hat coming up screaming my name. I took off my hat, without thinking, and when I was under Bear's tree I threw it to the ground. Matt, surprised, picked it up and looked up. It was the same as me, the sun didn’t let him see clearly and made a strange grimace as he turned his gaze on us.

Hello Matt - I said, waving my arm.

Ayla?-What are you doing up there?

Honestly, I don’t know...-I laughed.

I was going to ask you a favour, but if you're busy, you'll let me know when you're done climbing...

No, no!

The descent was easier than the ascent, I looked from time to time where I put my feet, although Bear insisted on letting me go by intuition, I slipped on occasion when I didn’t hit the foot where it should and the branches were slippery and sticky for the rain and resin. I shouldn’t trust myself, I should be concentrating all the time, which was a great effort for me, I was already beginning to design the Bear-inspired character in my head. I scratched myself with a sharp branch as I descended, but I didn’t complain for not worrying the guys, I endured the pain like a champion, although I noticed how horrible I was. The final jump came, I hung up like a stone, fearing to fall, it wouldn’t kill me, but it was two meters high and could do me a lot of damage. I didn’t want to look at the ground, it would make me more nervous, so I looked through the leaves of the cup for the distorted figure of Bear. All the muscles in my body tightened as I began to support the weight on my arms, a shiver ran down my spine as Matt's rough but firm hands gripped my waist and helped me touch the ground. I had scratches all over my body, the wound in my hand was scary to me and my knees were bruised. The gloves had been shattered: full of scraps of honeycomb, resin, and bits of wood. I turned around happily to be able to get down from the tree alone when I was within inches of Matt's thin lips, how nice he was when he smiled and how he made me blush so suddenly:

Hello...- I whispered, not quite knowing what to say, hiding my redness and my smile of pride.

Good morning, little squirrel,-he replied as he wiped a piece of honey from the corner of my mouth. Matt had gotten up very early that morning, had been doing it for days, so he told me he was engaged in a "surprise" project with Noah. A small pink mark had appeared on his cheek, it looked like a burn, probably because he was too close to his brother's torch, even if he insisted that he leave.

What happened to you here? - I answered, stroking the small scar on his left cheekbone.

Oh, it's nothing... just a mark of war. Can I show you something? - I nodded and threw me insistently on the sleeve.-Come on, come with me... -He threw me so hard that I barely had time to say goodbye to Bear, who was still climbing his tree.

We crossed the camp at a brisk pace, Matt was very excited, as when a young child gets to do something alone for the first time and wants to show everyone, proud. I liked to see him like this because he kept laughing, and I loved to see him laughing, causing me to laugh too. After crossing the wooden bridge over the stream, we found Bam and Gabe carrying a heavy trunk. Gabey went ahead and greeted us by making a funny imitation of James Bond. Bam grimaced in despair at his brother's bad joke and Matt smiled showing all his teeth.

No way... - Bam sighed without stopping. –By the way Ayla, Paul has asked for you today... He seemed satisfied with your work. - He winked at me and I replied with a shy smile. Matt and I kept walking:

So the work with Paul has gone well? - He asked interestedly as he unloaded his arm on my shoulders. I stroked his fingers.

That man has the office worse than you, your cabin...

Really? - He demanded to be overly surprised.

As you hear- I answered in the same tone.

-That's impossible. No one has anything messier than Matthew Jeremiah Brown's cabin. I'll have to mess it up more so he won’t steal my job.

We both laughed and without realizing it we were already in the central core of Brown town. Billy leaned out of a window in the main house.

Matt? Ayla? -He called us and we stopped to listen.-I thought you were. Ayla, are you busy right now?

Well...- I stammered-I just told Matt to help him with a project...

I felt very flooded that the Brown patriarch claimed my help and although I loved spending time with family (something I didn’t usually in the city) I wanted to spend some time alone with Matt, although if he asked for help, I had no choice to deny me.-It’s just arrived I don’t know what papers of the ship, it has very complicated terms and I don’t give very well the subject of paperwork. Would you mind taking a look and explain what they are about?

Matt went ahead of my answer.

Give her to me this morning, Dad, I want to show her something. This afternoon is all yours. - He shook my arm and beat me to his chest. "His smell..."

Okay, it's okay guys. Have fun... -Billy waved his hand and went back into his house. Matt and I walked up to Noah's backyard, or whatever: the back of his green tent.

Looks like somebody's turning into Billy Brown's right eye.

I gave him a push as a mockery.

Shut up...- I said, turning red again.- I just like being useful, and not looking like a lazy girl...

Matt released another couple of his laughs and gave me some more jokes before getting to Noah. The younger brother finished arranging the joints of what looked like a wooden structure of a double bed. I saluted Noah, who sat up and wiped the sweat from his forehead. His cheeks were flushed from the effort and his half smile was so disconcerting.

Good morning Noah, what the hell is this?

Matt stood between the structure and me and opened his arms to the wind as he showed all his teeth and his blue eyes glittered with pride.

Our new bed-he proclaimed.

Are you kidding?-I couldn’t believe it. - Have you done it?

You're welcome.-Noah Brown wasn’t going to let anyone else take the merit of his inventions.

Thank you, Noah! - I threw myself into his arms, but he tried to sneak away.

Don’t! You know I hate hugs.

Come on, don’t be like that...

He sighed resignedly and let me embrace him, even if it didn’t correspond to me with his arms around me:

Consider it a welcome gift...- he smiled, trying to hide it but he smiled, and that made me smile too. "Apparently someone hasn’t been able to shut it up." I glanced at Matt sideways, not yet grateful.

Do you like it? - Noah asked.

I love it, but we're going to need a bigger cabin... And how the hell are we going to put it in? And we'll have to go to Hoonah for a mattress and blankets...

You start talking like Bam! - Matt moaned as he strode toward me and wrapped my arms around me.

So this is what you did good morning?

I wanted it to be a surprise...-he whispered timidly.- Are you happy?

So happy…

I caressed his chin and kissed him softly on the lips. He responded with more kisses. I felt a little uncomfortable because Noah was looking at us, but then he let us know:

You! Go to kiss you elsewhere.... I remind you that this is a private property... -He hit Matt on the legs with his stick and he stepped back.

We'll go somewhere else, keep calm ... Then we'll come to bed."

Hurry up, it’s taking me up work space.

I walked alongside Matt, between games and laughter to a secluded spot on a slope. From there we could see the camp, including part of the beach and the bay, to the creek where we used to collect the water: Bam and Gabe continued to cut wood near the hut of the oldest. Noah would finish making the last adjustments to our new bed in his backyard. Rainy, Bird and Ami worked the garden and Bear, anyway, Bear had to stay on his tree. I grabbed Matt by the lapel of his jacket and I ate him with kisses. I leaned his back against the trunk of a tree and nibbled at his neck as he pulled his hat off and we undid each other's anorak. My hands ran down his whole torso, touching every part of his body, he tried the same with me, but every time he moved his hands I would hold them abruptly against the tree. Matt liked me playing with him, and even though he pretended to resist, he knew how he wanted I keep up with my practices. I didn’t enjoy the last time we made love in the woods, it was cold and uncomfortable, but Matt rarely rejected the opportunity to have sex with me and knew him well enough to know how much he was excited to do it outdoors. My hands went straight to his belt and I dropped to my knees. I rolled up all the layers of clothing he had tucked inside his pants and caressed his chest, startled to feel the contact of my cold hands on his warm skin. I felt his strength against the trunk to contain itself. I gripped him hips gently and kissed his navel and the line of silver hair all over his torso. The bulk of his trousers were a very short distance from my mouth. Deciding and with a single movement I undid the button of the jeans and lowered the zipper. I looked into his face with greedy eyes, as I bit my lower lip. Matt pressed his back against the tree and let out a deep sigh. His hands began to fiddle with my hair so it wouldn’t bother with the task I was about to undertake.

If you look at me like that again, I don’t respond to my actions...- he teased, his face was red with excitement.

Matt and I had been using the condoms few times since the fright of a few weeks ago. Neither of them was a latex fan. In fact, Matt was looking at the pink plastic with an impassive expression when I asked him to wear it for the first time, A night like any other, in the privacy of his cabin. He was lying on top of me, distracted, biting me and feeling my breasts, ready for everything, when I stopped him:

Wait a minute, Matt...- My saliva suddenly turned bitter.

What's up? Did I do something wrong?-He asked with orange flashes from the fire shining in his blue irises.

No, no... Quiet ... it's just ... you should wear a condom …

Yes, of course...- he said as he retreated and took the square plastic from the cardboard box. -Are you sure you want to use it?

“I really wasn’t, I hated them, but I didn’t want to go through the other day"

Yes, of course ... You'll see, we'll have a good time.-I showed my most charming smile. I took the plastic from his hands, ripped it off, and put it on myself. My hands smelled of latex and talcum powder, and the petroleum jelly had left my fingers sticky. I wanted to wash myself, I felt very dirty, contaminated... I saw Matt's face of uncertainty. I caressed his cheek to reassure him and I kissed him on the lips, inviting him to resume the position on me. His gestures were clumsy and insecure, it seemed to be his first time: the latex didn’t convey the confidence he used to enjoy, it made him feel trapped in his own body. He slowly crawled inside me, tried to hide my groan of pain with one of pleasure, but that disgusting piece of latex rubbed against me and ripped me inside. My muscles tensed beneath my skin, each and every one of them, Matt was in direct contact and immediately realized how stiff he had put me. He immediately retired, without saying anything, took off the condom and threw it aside and returned to penetrate, with all the delicacy of the world. He had never made love to me that way, it was all so slow and sweet ... I felt the butterflies flutter in my stomach in every movement. I forced Matt to look me in the eye, he had them open, round and blue. Now and then he pressed his lips to a groan, and when he tried to accelerate, I calmed him with whispers and caresses so that he could maintain the leisurely pace he had maintained until now. Not knowing how or why I felt in those soft hip movements a wave of pleasure exploded from within, I bit Matt to suppress the orgasm and I felt the dampness between my legs accentuated as I arched my back. My explosion echoed in Matt, who immediately pulled his member from me and spread his seed on my belly. I could see in his eyes his disappointment, he hadn’t enjoyed as always, hadn’t enjoyed the pleasure of holding me against him and let his essence flood me. I had also longed to feel that warm liquid inside me and Matt's satisfied face. The pride of his orgasms, tearing his thin lips with his teeth and scratching me to get to the depths of me. He tried to hide it with a smile. I drew him to my face and placed a light kiss on his nose. He took the box of condoms and threw it sharply:

We both hate this, I won’t use them again: they are disgusting, they are unnatural and very uncomfortable- there was nothing like feeling the touch of Matt's skin on my flesh.

-Matt...

No, you get stiff and hurt... I don’t want to hear another word. We’ll find other ways...

From that day, we looked for other ways to enjoy our bodies without risking pregnancy. Without realizing it we found very pleasant and funny practices for one and the other, but none gave us greater satisfaction as the simple fact of feel his seed soaking my inner.

Screams from Brown town interrupted us at the best of times. I jumped up and peeked down the ravine to see what was happening while Matt put on his pants correctly. I spotted Bear's jumps and his red sweatshirt waving all over the camp:

Police! The police are coming! Police!

Matt put on his hat and we looked at each other with a pale face. From our position it was clearly seen how an Alaska federal police vessel was docking in our bay. We didn’t know what it was, could be many things: again the dividends, Ami's family, Matt's problem... He was so close to me that I could see him clenching his fists and contracting his jaw in terror. Everyone in Brown town had space to fear the police, and even if he didn’t admit it, and after his stay at the clinic, Matt was the one who dreaded them the most... I forced him to open the fist he was squeezing hard to grab my hand. He squeezed it desperately.

Don’t worry, whatever it is, we'll solve it... I'm here.-I tried not to notice in my voice that I was scared too.

I could see the fear in the crystal-clear look that Matt gave me, he nodded because he couldn’t articulate words at that moment, but that was all I could think of at that moment.

We met with Ami, the girls and Noah in the camp. Billy and the boys were already on their way to the beach to greet the cops. The rest of the group also started there, but if it had anything to do with Matt I needed to know the first. I started running, leaving them behind until I ran into Billy and three of his older children on the beach: the ship had anchored near Integrity and headed towards the beach by boat. It was a bright sunny day, even if there was some wind blowing between the mountains, they didn’t have to come to ruin it. Bear had stepped forward and watched through the binoculars:

They are three men: two policemen and a man who doesn’t wear a uniform...

Billy looked at me when he saw me coming, concern had also taken over his face. We waited in silence until they disembarked, no one moved a muscle to help them drag the boat. Matt and the rest were taking a long time, I was afraid he had a panic attack and he was hyperventilating along the way while I was there, quiet and doing nothing. It was hidden between Bam and Gabe so I could barely make out the faces of the policemen, hidden under the phosphorescent coats and coloured sunglasses. One lifted a paper in a stiff, gloved hand:

I'm looking for Miss Ayla Hurst, are you here?

All of them turned to me, perplexed, though I was the most surprised of them all. It took me a while to react, frightened, I didn’t know why I was if I hadn’t done anything. The policeman had already seen me, so he didn’t call me by my name again. It took a push from Bam Bam to dare to make a pass forward:

I'm Ayla... - My vibrant voice was nervous and insecure. I listened as Bam whispered to Gabe: “Go get Matt”.

Is there a problem, officer? - Billy asked, worried, even if he hadn’t pronounced his name or that of any of his children.

Ayla?

The one who had pronounced my name was the man who didn’t wear police uniform. He was small and plump and he wore so many layers of clothing that he would swing off the boat:

Frank? - I couldn’t believe it was Frank! My editor and my representative. It had been weeks since I last talked to him. It was before I met Matt, then they were all messages that didn’t bother me to answer, and then I broke my phone... He had so many layers of clothes and face covered with a hat, glasses and scarf that I had difficulty recognizing, although I still didn’t shave that Jet-black moustache so ugly... “What the hell was he doing in Brown town?” After his fights to get off the boat he stalked over to me and hugged me tightly.

Thank God you're okay. I’m glad to see you... I thought that something had happened to you - "you thought you wouldn’t charge more, bastard"- You didn’t take my cell phone, and you didn’t respond to the mails... You had me very worried young lady.

Frank O'Brien was in charge of signing my contracts with publishers, producers, looking for sponsors, opportunities and all that bureaucratic roll I had made on my own until my first Best Seller. I hated him, he was repulsive, bordering on me and he treated me as if I were an idiot and didn’t understand anything. I was just a pretty face to get money for, but, unfortunately, he did his job especially well.

Miss Hurst, would you mind if I asked you a few questions alone?-"Why did you ask? I was not going to say no to an agent of the law..."

At that moment I saw Matt appear on the road. His look of awe and worry told it all. He approached us with great strides... I wanted to scream to him that everything was well and that he didn’t have to worry, but Bam, as always, took care to retain it, although it required the aid of Gabe and the words of Ami not to come running towards me. "I promised that we would face the problems together, but I knew Frank and I knew what this was about. If Matt got in the way he could get hurt. "I think Bam thought the same thing I did and so he ran to hold him.

Is there somewhere we can talk alone?

You can use the living room of our house...-Billy said. The agent thanked him with a nod.

Frank was annoyed not to let him into the cabin with the policeman. The other agent went to make a statement to the whole family and even to Frank himself, another thing that bothered him a lot. I felt very bad to worry about the Browns, they had enough problems with the law to have them with me now. I sighed deeply and forced myself to be strong and calm, I hadn’t done anything wrong, everything was a mistake, I would simply answer honestly and not go in the clouds, thinking well what I was going to say not to hurt Matt, Or Noah, or Gabe, or Bam, or Bear, or Birdy and Rainy, and Billy or Ami, so as not to harm my family. From my bench I watched my interlocutor, hidden under an anorak with a turtleneck and sunglasses, on the other side of the table.

Don’t worry, Miss Hurst, you have not done anything wrong... We just want to ask you some questions about your stay in Alaska and make sure you're okay. Apparently your family and Mr. O'Brien have been trying to contact you for weeks and not finding you at the house you have on your property we care. Luckily, it isn’t difficult to locate a celebrity and the neighbours of Hoonah were very collaborative, they were the ones who told us that they had seen you with the Brown family... Tell me why you didn’t answer the phone or the mails that sent you?

My phone was broken and I left the laptop in Hoonah's cabin. I’ve been busy working and I haven’t been able to go pick it up, I haven’t been able to go to buy another phone... -that man had interrupted my moment with Matt, and I wasn’t in the mood to respond cordially. I forgot all my manners and my good education in New York, and what he was insinuating I didn’t like at all. I may have moved awkwardly in the forest, but he wasn’t going to be defeated in my own land:

And you never thought that your family members might be worried?

No,-I replied coldly, like an iceberg. -I hardly have a relationship with my family...

And with Mr. O'Brien?

Our relationship is strictly professional.

Do you remind me of the reasons you came to live in Alaska?

For work, I'm a writer. I was given permission to write a book about the Brown family.

How can you write if you don’t have a computer?

I'm a little old-fashioned, Mr. Agent... I write in pencil in a notebook. Frank won’t agree very much, but I can show it to you if you want. There are notes and drawings on the Browns. I can also show you the documents that give me permission to write the book and reside here.

Miss Hurst... You are alone, nobody can hear us, you don’t have to hide information from us...- He approached my face, speaking to me in whispers.

I stood in my seat and sucked in a good puff of air:

What do you mean by that?

Look, I'll be frank... these men have already received some suspicion of keeping women against their will: two of them have been in jail and another has had problems with the...

I punched the table:

I'm here of my own free will!" I can leave whenever I want- "although it was really Matt who kept me there" -No one forces me to be here...

It's strange that someone like you leaves an attic in New York for this...

I folded my arms and leaned against the back of the bench:

People change.

The agent didn’t seem very convinced.

Listen, I just want to live in peace, work on my book... Investigate what you want, investigate them what you want. They are clean. O'Brien only fears for his salary...

"That damn son of a bitch. He should live here for a while and realize that money isn’t everything. As something happens to Matt for his greed ... I kill him."

I answered a few more questions to the agent, who didn’t seem to be too convinced of my situation in Brown town. Although I had promised not to hide anything from the police, the nerves of the moment betrayed me and I failed to say that I had a relationship with Matt "After all, I didn’t lie, he didn’t ask." I was afraid that he would be investigated, or accused of kidnapping and mistreatment. The wound in my hand still stung, I clenched my fist tightly as I felt the blood trickling through my fingers. The policeman told me he was going to pick up a couple more tests and that he would come back another day to ask me more questions. I suggested moving to Hoonah, where it would be more comfortable for both, but insisted on coming.

Think that once we're gone you'll be alone and incommunicado with the Browns... You can come with us, they won’t find you, you'll be safe, I assure you...

Get out of here immediately,-I said, glaring at the door.

The big man, who looked like a cupboard with his feet and a phosphorescent jacket, left as much as he could, hadn’t taken off his sunglasses all the time, so I hadn’t been able to examine his face or his gestures. His harsh and authoritative voice, showing a false compassion, made me hate him with all my heart, but above all I hated O'Brien.

I waited ten seconds to calm down and left the house. Frank was sitting on the benches by the fire, playing with a stick and the embers of the bonfire. Bam was leaning against a nearby tree, arms folded, staring at him with such proud green eyes. I approached him before looking at Frank:

Where's Matt? - I whispered without looking directly at him. I couldn’t take my eyes off that damned bastard either.

Gabe took him away. We were afraid he might get upset and get into some mess.

You did well- I put a hand on his shoulder gratefully.-Maybe it's too much to ask, but I have to talk to Frank alone for a moment, could you keep Matt out of the way until we're done?

Count on it...-He nodded convinced as he walked a few steps to get enough perspective to watch Frank and see if Matt was approaching. I thanked him nodding and a gentle pat on the shoulder. That protective side of Bam enchanted me, although at times I became too nervous. I sat down next to O'Brien.

It was time for your pimp to go!  I was scared. Tell me, how much have you paid that John Lennon to watch over me?

Don’t talk like that about Bam. He's a good kid and he was really worried about me, not like you. How dare you accuse the Browns like that, have they already suffered too much for you to put them into more trouble now? What the fuck do you want, Frank? Or should I say: How much?

He made a calm gesture with his hands and spoke to me in his high and unbearable voice. His small insolent dark eyes wouldn’t stop analysing my body language, "the bastard was very good." I was trying to stay firm, sure of myself, confident.

I don’t want anything, I'm just worried about you ... You don’t answer my cell phone, not the mails. Deadlines are over, the publisher wants something.

You can fuck you and your damn editorial.

What's wrong with you, Ayla? Why do you answer me like this? Where is the shy little girl who didn’t raise her voice, who always obeyed the first one?

That child died the day I landed in Alaska...-I gritted my teeth.

And when will she return?

Never.

What do you mean, never? Ayla, are you listening? You spend too much time in your fantasy world that you start to confuse with reality... - He already starts to call me useless dreamer. I'd like to show him what I've learned to do with an assault rifle and prove to him that I'm not such a fool at all."

I'm happy here, Frank. These people appreciate me, value me for what I am...

I also value you for what you are! - He also pointed out and exaggerated his irritating tone of voice, becoming the victim. "No, you only value my income..."

Not like that... -I smiled a silly smile thinking of Matt's laughter, how my little triumphs were great victories for him...

So that's it?-He said, looking me up and down. My foolish smile had betrayed me. "How could I have neglected that way? O'Brien was a body language expert, because of my work I should have known how to keep my poker face to the end.”-Now I understand... And you are going to tell me which of the five brothers "values ​​you" more? -He made the quotation marks with his fingers- Or do you now like to "value" the father?

What you mean, degenerate! And no, I'm not "valuing any" -that small, fluffy man was stirring my stomach and I felt like throwing up and punching him at the same time, especially punching him.

When I saw it in the press I couldn’t believe it, I thought it would be part of your book ... But now ... Ha! And that you looked like a dead fly...

My heart started beating very fast. O'Brien pulled out his cell phone and started gossiping between his screenshots.

Now I understand why that bear with eighties’ glasses was watching me so closely...

He taught me photography, the fruit of his clipping research, about his clients. I read the headline for myself: "Ayla Hurst (21) and Joshua Brown (31) from the Alaskan Bush People, stroll through the port of Hoonah very close after saw her buying a pregnancy test"

Oh my God! We walked side by side, we didn’t even look at each other... -I exclaimed in despair and about to start pulling my hair.

You know the press... They love to manipulate everything- “I didn’t think that in a village like Hoonah there would have been followers of Ayla Hurst, let alone that they were dedicated to beating the press that was there. The world outside this island is still a disgusting place. "

I have nothing with Bam, I can assure you.-I took a deep breath and forced myself to reassure myself. I had to convince Frank.

Oh no? I already said that he didn’t look like your type. And then what are you throwing away? The half-wolf? No... too wild for you. To the sideburns? No, not ... It's done! To the freak of the stick-he snapped his fingers as if he had answered the million dollar question. I clenched my fists to avoid giving him a good slap, even if he deserved it...

Ayla...-A firm voice called from the top of the hill. Matt was there, rifle in hand, along with Bam and Gabe. Their faces told me that they had done everything they could to keep him away, but all three of us knew how stubborn Matt Brown could be. He carried the rifle, brazenly. It wasn’t surprising that he took it, he always carried it when it moved a little way from Brown town, but to make it sound like that to Frank, even though I was a few meters away, it made me afraid he would do something crazy. I stood in front of Frank, looking at Matt. I didn’t see his face well, but I was sure that under that old hat he hid that cold, distant look I had seen the day I found it with the sealed bottles, looking at the sea.

He won’t try to shoot me, will he? - Frank was scarred, pale as snow, I couldn’t help but smile triumphantly.

I assure you that yes, if I allow it, he will. –I whispered him-It's all right Matt, I'll go right away...

Are you sure?

Yes, don’t worry about me... We'll talk later.

Ayla, you promised that when you had a problem...

Matt, not now! I swear I'm fine, we'll talk later.

I could feel the look of contempt that Matt threw at me, but I turned to avoid it. It would make me cry, and I wouldn’t do it in front of Frank. Probably Gabe also gave me that same look, Bam no, Bam Bam understood my situation. It would have been a good strategy to have him by my side, but I needed him to take care of Matt. My facial expression was my snitch again, and my "ex-representative" yelled at me again with his sharp, impertinent voice and his sarcastic look:

So it's about him? The prodigal son, the alcoholic, the poor little Mattie... And the kindly Ayla, his saviour, his messiah... -His ironic tone was getting on my nerves and I felt a tremendous desire to slap him. If I contracted a little more jaw would break it-A tragic love story... between the drunkard of the forest and depressive writer. Precious. Do you know how long the nonsense will last? It's to go shopping for the return tickets...

Shut up! I won’t tolerate you talking about Matt like that.-My finger struck his chest, accusing him, wishing he had a blade to nail it to his heart.-I’ve helped him, and he’s helped me.

In case you think a chronic depressive like you can help an alcoholic like him? - I wasn’t going to let his words hurt me. I wasn’t going to let him underestimate me. I was worth more than he wanted me to believe. Frank said that I was nothing without him, perhaps without his advice and his efforts I wouldn’t have obtained such good contracts, but he degraded me as a person, made me feel bad, useless. And I wasn’t going to tolerate that. However I didn’t dare to shout all that, I closed my mouth, as always and only dared to emit a faint sound:

I love him, Frank...

Ha! -He said.-Do you love him? You don’t want anybody Ayla, just yourself, your money, your fame. Your characters. I've seen a million men go through your bed and kick them out, at any moment, when you're tired of him, you'll go into the cave of the next savage to “values” you

O'Brien wasn’t expected to receive that tremendous push in the belly that pulled him off the bench, but Bam Bam had that tendency to jump right away when he got angry. He stepped between them and looked at him with his cocky eyes:

It's over!-he shouted.-You made explode! I won’t tolerate you to keep talking about my sister like that. - I didn’t even realize that he had referred to me as his 'sister' - Go away right now if you don’t want your skin hanging on the walls of my cabin.- Matt's protective arm brought me to his chest, Gabe was also close, arms folded and legs apart: in a firm and aggressive attitude.

Say him something!-I didn’t answer. I crossed my arms and looked at him from above: humiliated, covered with mud, I thought I had been able to handle the situation myself, but Frank's words had been like arrows in my heart. "Captain Bam to the rescue."

They're waiting to take you to Hoonah, and I hope you don’t come back...

Ayla!-He repeated, begging.

I wish Bam skinned you, you fucking son of a bitch- I went over to him and bent over, though he kept looking at me from above. -Nobody messes with my family..." The spit I threw at his glasses came from inside me, and I didn’t regret it. To do so. I turned around, ready to go back to Matt, to cry a little on his shoulder, to feel his comforting warmth and his rough caresses...

Your family? - Frank spit mud while he was awkwardly incorporated.-They aren’t your family. Your family is in Spain, waiting for you to bring news of you ... Soon your sister's college will be charged, and your mother doesn’t have enough money to cover it...

I refused to look into his eyes, though I stopped, away from Matt... I clenched my fists tightly. My voice was grave and harboured the fury of a volcano about to explode:

My family only cares about the money... They have never supported me, nor have they read one of my books. Never!

"I remembered clearly the hard times when my mother said that if she could choose again she would choose not to have children, although now she would live on account of her daughter's income. He had told me to focus on my career and to forget about those idiocy to have children, which were just a waste of money and headache. But I had already seen Matt's baby, giving him all that love that I had been denied. "

So you think? And who paid your university? Who made endless efforts so that you could study what you wanted? Are you going to let a guy who just knew ruin your sister's dream? She wants to be a doctor and save lives and without your help… Do you remember when your father died, who created you, who exercised both?

"The bad method that my mother used to overcome the sudden death of my father, her attempt to make me strong, to ignore my feelings, to take away the sadness with stick... It was a hard blow for me that today still pains me to remember... It was the beginning of an endless number of depressions that took longer than a decade later. Will my pain be my source of inspiration? Is it worth suffering and crying while typing even though I'm actually dying a little every time I type a word?

You know my accounts, -the tears began to stream through my cheeks-take her what she needs...

They want you...- Frank's voice sounded almost sincere.-They want you to come back, to resume your career and sit down with them for Christmas dinner...

"I tried to convince myself that it was just another of his stupid tricks to get me back, but deep down I knew part of him was right. I had not noticed, but I missed my family.

My eyes weren’t the only ones crying, Matt's worried face made my heart shrink even more.

The police are waiting for you in the bay, get out of here before Bam kicks you out.

As you wish - O'Brien replied passively. He came up to me with his steps in the form of parentheses and placed his plump fingers on my shoulder. I didn’t look at his face, but the metallic grey telephone that he handed me.-It a satellite phone-“I knew it was”-has my number and your mother's. Call her, even if it's just to tell her that you're okay-I hated calling on the phone and it would take me hours to decide to dial the numbers. Frank had the phone ready, I knew the son of a bitch was going to cajole me with the family's trump and everything they'd done for me. I wanted to tear it apart until there were only broken chips and wires left, but I didn’t dare. I grabbed it with both hands and squeezed it to hide my rage, my cheeks looked like two rivers in rainy weather and Matt's look, my God! That fucking look was killing me.

O'Brien walked away. I wished I had never met him, hadn’t worked with him... I wished his plane to crash back into New York and never find his body. I hated him, hated everything that I could hate, but above all, I hated me for letting his lies affect me. "What am I going to tell my mother? “Hi Mom, I've been in Alaska for over three months. I've met someone, he’s thirteen years old than me and lives in the forest, but I love him madly. I'm going to stay here with him to form a family and have those grandchildren that you hate so much. I won’t be able to come for Christmas, I'm sorry." I don’t care them, they just want me for the money, they don’t, they want me for what I'm worth. Matt, Matt loves me, wants to have children with me, and I with him, I want to raise them to the edge of the sea, while porpoises cross the bay, I want to write near them and sing them Spanish songs to sleep. I want to teach them how I left everything to come here, as I learned to love... But my family wasn’t there: my mother, she had been sick and there was a possibility that it would fall, she would need a lot of money for the treatment, and only I could give it, If I kept writing, of course, and my little sister ... I’d like to have the relationship with her like Bird and Rainy, maybe I still had time to have it, but that meant leaving, and leaving Matt and didn’t want to wake up alone without him by my side. I felt more miserable than Fantine as she sold her hair.

Matt waited a few moments to join me, until he was sure Frank was gone, wanted me to move into his arms and tell me that it was there, with me, that everything had already happened, but instead he scolded me:

You shouldn’t have faced him alone, it was clear he was going to try to get you to go with him... look how you're done! - His thumbs tightened on my forearms. I didn’t expect that reaction on his part, the "I told you" were more proper of Bam, maybe sometime Gabe, but not Matt... I screamed so much that it shakes my body and spit on me when I speak. I blushed to see that Bam and Gabe were watching:

We can’t talk about this later?- I whispered through tears.

Don’t! You always avoid problems or pretend they have never happened. What did we talk about the other day, Ayla? You have that horrible idea to keep everything for you, but you forget that I also suffer when I see you like this... You're a selfish one, if you don’t change, I’ll...

Change? - Matt shuddered to see me jump like that. - Are you asking me to change? Don’t you see where we are? Everything I left behind... All Matt! I've given up everything for you. Because you got on your knees and begged me to stay, and I agreed, instead of asking me to change test a little more to understand me... I need to be strong, here I must be stronger than before, prove what I am capable, double so as not to be left behind. If I keep things for me it is because it’s only my business. You should respect me, Matt Brown instead of asking me to change, because if you ask me that... You don’t really love me as much as you usually say.

I didn’t regret the moment I said those words and I held my ground in front of Matt's expression, it seemed that they had just stabbed a dagger in the back. There was an awkward silence between us that broke in just a few seconds. I ran out of the way so I wouldn’t fall on my knees to beg Matt for forgiveness, after the talk I'd given him about being strong and showing what I was worth couldn’t humiliate me that way. I ran to the tire hut, but I couldn’t stay there for a long time, everything reminded me of him and someone would find me there at once. I needed to be alone, to think about the barbarities I'd told him. I was angry, O'Brien always took the worst part of me and I had paid them with Matt. I wasn’t ready to apologize yet, I didn’t even know if a simple apology would suffice. Matt said problems and worries slipped, but my words had hurt him deeply. I had to analyse if a part of me really thought that, he thought the same thing at the beginning: "I am only a body for him, the first easy dust that has been put ahead. He asks me for change instead of respect." I grabbed my backpack and the first thing I did was to head for the creek, but then I remembered that Noah would probably go there and find me there, and I didn’t want to have another talk about God's obstacles, so instead of run until the river I bordered it by the shore until reaching a small pond under a waterfall.

I had run so hard that I could feel myself wet with sweat and my hair was clinging to my forehead, my mouth was dry and the sound of falling water made me want to dive into its crystalline waters. It was a very good day, the sun was shining and in my land we would be talking about an early autumn day, even if we were there at the end of spring. I took off the anorak, the hat and the gloves and hung them at the foot of a tree, walked to the edge of the pond, squatted and rolled up the sleeves of the pumpkin sweater. Matt's fingers were again marked on the forearms, I tried to ignore them a little by rubbing them vigorously with my hand, but they were still there, throbbing, reminding me of Matt. It wasn’t the first time he had left marks on my skin: it had dawned on more than one occasion with a bite or some scratch on my body, but it wasn’t in the same context. I took off my boots and socks and let the water freeze my toes. The water was cold, very cold, but had always tolerated the cold temperatures quite well. I used my hands as a bowl to drink and wet my face and the back of my neck. I glanced at the small waterfall, some salmon straggled by spawn jumping low in a unique natural spectacle. Seeing the fish made me remember the bears and how unprepared it was. "If I’m ate by a bear, all my problems will end." Normally I'd run out of there, heart in a fist, begging for no beast to be found along the way, but I was so furious and so afraid Matt's reaction that I preferred to stay a little longer at the mercy of the bears. I was alone, I was alone at last. Squirrels were playing among the trees, and some young raptor was planning to find its dinner. I was alone, accompanied by the soothing sound of water falling from the waterfall and the snapping of salmon as they plunged into the water. I breathed deeply, letting the pure smell of Alaska flood me, it had rained a lot the last few days, the floor was bleating and covered with mud, but lately I was getting a great admiration for the smell of the wet land, and although it cost me keep the balance between so much mud, I delighted with its sounds and smells.

The water was frozen, a cold droplet slid down the back of my neck and made me shiver that ran all over my vertebrae. My lips had become paralyzed, rigid, but I still sucked more of that pure and natural water, so rich. I paused to think about how long I hadn’t swum. I loved swimming in the sea, but I hated the chemicals and chlorine in the pools. Feel the salt boiling in the open wounds, the force of the waves propelling me and myself, feeling stronger with each stroke. I felt good, clean, safe and satisfactorily exhausted. It was very close to the sea, but if I got into those waters I would die of hypothermia in ten minutes. "It wasn’t a bad choice, instead of dying devoured by a bear, would die drowsy from the cold, with stiff muscles after a good bath." I listened as the shrubs moved across the pond, sat up slowly and silently like a cat, my nightmare had come true. I bit my uneasy lip and slowly pulled back to the tree to try to camouflage myself. The bushes on the other side were very tall, so I couldn’t pinpoint the silhouette of the bear. The body jumped from the grass and went to fall at the foot of the waterfall:

Bear? What the hell are you doing here? I thought that after the commotion with the police I would have returned to his tree.

Matt's younger brother didn’t seem to have seen me, half hidden behind the tree. He was too concentrated following a trace. He wasn’t wearing a shirt and had his torso and face covered with black mud, a ribbon prevented his long blond hair from covering his field of vision. He crawled on the ground, his nose stuck to the ground like a well-trained hound looking for narcotics at a customs house. Suddenly, and without telling, he took off his boots and rolled up his trousers to get into the space where the pond was turning into a river again. He put his hands in the water and waited, silent and still as a statue until one of the salmon jumped out of the waterfall was placed in his hands. With a quick movement he drew the fish out of the water, but it was faster and slipped between Bear's hands, he bit his face and dived back into the water. I couldn’t help but smile. The boy looked at both sides to make sure that no one had seen him and it was then that he discovered me, half-hidden behind the tree:

Hello! - He waved at me. I timidly came out of my hiding place and returned the greeting.- It's a good day for fishing, don’t you think?

Probably, but the truth is that I haven’t fished in my life...

Do you want me to teach you?

Maybe some other time. Now I prefer to stay here and draw for a while... -I shuffled around the tree, my back pressed into the trunk and sat on the face facing the water. I took out my notebook and my pencils and began to draw:

All right,-he said cheerfully. -I'll be here, catching some salmon.

Drawing Bear was a lot easier than drawing Matt. Matt put on strange faces, smiled at me or I was distracted by watching his beautiful blue eyes. Bear was distracted with his fish, so I could work in peace. With strikingly firm strokes I drew a sort of superhero and caveman: he walked like a gorilla, with knuckles and wore a hood made of wolf skin. The ciliary arches were strangely large and barely outlined the two black marbles that represented the eyes. He had an expression of curiosity on his face. From time to time I lifted the face of the paper to observe my model: Bear jumped behind the fish, soaking his clothes, when he hunted, he would take it to the bank and beat its head to death. "I should have called Bear to get rid of O'Brien." I also made him a hairy tail and flattened muzzle. I liked how I was staying and smiled satisfied as I raised the notebook to contemplate my work. I wasn’t sure I would use that character for any of my stories, but the work distracted me from the argument with Matt, at least for a moment.

Bear's steps out of the water reminded me of Jean Valjean dragging his chains through the galleys. I lowered the notebook and ran into his face of pride, holding a salmon in each hand.

Have you ever eaten real fresh fish? - I shook my head.

I insisted that we could light the fire with my lighter, which would be much faster, but Bear was as stubborn as Matt. "Maybe it was something that all Browns had on the set." I left him busy digging a hole and scraping rocks as he finished tweaking my drawing. I got distracted so much that I didn’t even realize that the fish was already cleaned and put on a stick for cooking. "Awesome! This kid looks like a shipwreck movie. Maybe I could include Wolf in a story about shipwrecks?" While the fish was cooking, Bear was curious to see what I was doing, and with his forest manners to literally stuff his nose in everything, he stuck his head in my notebook and me. His smell of wet dog had acquired nuances of fish and burnt hair.

This is me?

He stuck his dirty finger of ashes into my paper. I brushed it aside and wiped away the dirt, although it left some grey marks on the silver pencil:

That's right,-I said proudly-you like it?

It's very cool, but do you know how it would be better?

Surprise me. - Bear had put me in a good mood.

With a bunch of blades in his arms-he gestured exaggeratedly as he spoke, and at any moment I felt he was going to give me -a lot of piles and piles of cutlery to cut off anything.

He jumped up and jumped and started to move as if he had blades in his arms. After a couple of leaps he crouched again beside me, his face was again exaggeratedly close to mine, and I jerked away so that I wouldn’t catch his breath.

And it also has to be super-fast and agile, to climb the trees...

As he spoke he reminded me of a little boy excited about the coming of Christmas. He had this peculiar way of seeing the world: to see it from nine meters high. His small eyes radiated happiness, enthusiasm, emotion... I wanted to feel like this, to be a child again, without thinking too much about the consequences. But even in my innocent childhood I wasn’t a normal child: shy, quiet, always with her stupid stories... My only moments of happiness were given to me by my beloved cartoon films, which I still enjoyed alone when I had a while, and the princesses, like I dreamed of being a princess... and of all of them, Ariel was my favourite: "Ariel also left everything to go with the man she loved, would it cost her as much as me to become her new world? Would she ever think of being a mermaid again?”

Bear- I cut him dryly.-Did you remember when you said this morning that you were happier when you were climbing a tree? - I didn’t know because I was telling him that, his voice, his way of seeing the world so simple, unconcerned... I was inspired by an abnormal confidence in that little boy with golden hair and mischievous smile. I was still angry with Matt for how he had yelled at me and how he had asked me to change, without appreciating how I had changed my life for him. "He hasn’t even let it be explained. But I was so upset over the talk with Frank that I probably would have ripped off his head." I needed to distract myself, have a good time until I was ready to apologize, but I preferred that he beg me to forgive me... And what better way to distract than "studying" Bear Brown? He nodded at my previous question. -Well, when I was a child, I really liked some movies of a mermaid that wanted to be human... I used to play what I was her, when I was in the water and I was swimming between dolphins and all kinds of fish... -Bear listened to me in fascination-They are the best memories I have of my childhood, where I really am happy-I pointed the finger at the pond-In the water, where all the problems slip and you only think about breathing...

The smile that Bear sketched was more mischievous than usual.

Would you like to taste the water? - "What are you talking about? How are we going to bathe here? We would freeze!" Bear didn’t let me ask anything. He grabbed me in both hands and pulled me. I was running so much that I almost dislodged an arm. Bear was twice as fast as the rest of the world and I was trying to keep up, without thinking, without stopping. I just thought about reaching it. He stopped at the foot of the waterfall. He took a small leap, grabbed the stones from the dirt wall and watched him disappear behind the waterfall, about two meters above me. His head popped and the gravel ran down the wall. He stretched his arms out to me.

I didn’t think too much and grabbed Bear's calloused little hands. They were dirty and full of charcoal and splinters of their attempts to make a bonfire. I climbed the small wall with my feet on the stone protrusions as small gravel sighs fell in each step as Bear pulled me. The place left me impressed, a vaulted grotto hidden behind the waterfall, very small, barely a meter and a half wide, a vaulted wall and barely high enough to walk. The wall of water ran a few feet from us, the echo of the cave reminded me of the roar of a huge lion, with a huge golden hair, enormous and tense muscles, about to jump on a beautiful female in heat. Bear was sitting on the edge, his legs dangling in the void, letting the stream of whitish water soak his thighs. He tucked his hair inside and shook his head like a dog, ran his fingers through the thick blond mane and combed it back. I felt a growing tingling inside me and bit my lower lip without realizing it as I suppressed a sigh "What the hell was going on?"

Come.-His voice was light as a leaf falling in autumn, crunchy, yet soft as a caress. He struck the grey, eroded stone at his side.-Sit here.

I obeyed without thinking, it was my problem: I always obeyed the first. I sat with my legs back so I wouldn’t get wet, even if the waterfall covered my face with a thin film of dewdrops. A part of me knew that it wasn’t okay to flirt with him, but Matt had behaved like an idiot with me, shouted at me and humiliated me in front of his family. Bear was being very tender to me, made me feel special, beautiful... He grabbed my shaking hand and pulled it to stroke the icy water. A curtain opened with the passage of my fingers in the waterfall, I played with it in wonder, hardly noticing that Bear was returning to keep my eyes on me and how I invaded my personal space. A salmon jumped the waterfall, frightening me, I withdrew my hand. Bear chuckled. I felt his intense breath hitting my cheek. My body stiffened as his finger pushed a strand of hair from my face and placed it behind my ear. "I was tense when someone touched me, sometimes even when Matt did it himself, the touch of Bear on my face paralyzed me completely."

Would you like to bathe? - He asked in that sweet, piercing voice like chocolate.

Are you kidding? The water is freezing!

Come on! It's not so cold. You should see the ice sheet that forms in winter, we can even skate on the river...

I don’t know, Bear...-He jumped to his feet, I jumped away from the shock. He was encouraged me to get into the pond with him and a part of me didn’t know exactly why I wanted to get into that water and never leave - Besides, I don’t have a bathing suit...

You don’t need it. - He sprang to his feet and pulled down his pants. I shook my head. A moment and a splash. Through the waterfall I noticed the circles of white foam that Bear had formed when he jumped. The pond was deeper than it looked, that, or it had broken its head against a stone because it took to leave to take a breath of air. He came out of the water like a sea mermaid, his blond hair fluttered around his face and swelled his chest so that his lungs filled with oxygen. He laughed like the little boy who for the first time goes on a bicycle without wheels and raised his bright eyes to me. -You have to jump in the middle of the ring of rocks, like the salmon, the pond is deep enough here for you to make a good jump. Come on, I'm waiting for you.

I didn’t hesitate for a minute. I had to reach Bear, his way of see the world... At that time I didn’t think about Matt, only me and the great desire I had to get into the water. Bear didn’t care to see me in underwear or date with his brother, he just wanted to have fun and run, run at full speed and I had to catch up and cleaned in that water Matt's hurtful words. I got rid of the jeans and the orange jersey, leaving me with only a dark inner tank top and my underwear the same colour. I poked my head and the ice water splashed on my face, a chill ran down my spine and I gasped. Bear was playing in the water, "He is having fun" And I just wanted to have fun, too.

The frozen water paralyzed my body, the water smelled of fish, but I hadn’t felt so clean in my life. I felt the internal struggle that my rigid muscles were living to keep moving. I rustled the oxygen in my lungs as I continued to dive closer and closer to the greenish background and the muddy, dark ground until my mind began to fade. Bear's pull was more intense underwater "don’t worry about me, Bear, the trees are your territory, but I learned to swim rather than walk." I closed my eyes and let the pure air of Alaska flood my lungs. I shook my desperate feet in search of support for them, but the pond was very deep. I found support in the tight but firm shoulders of the boy, I brushed the hair from my face and rubbed my eyes to remove the accumulated water. It was frozen, but even in the water I felt the warmth of Bear's pale skin. His mouth was very close, I bit my lip, staring at the fang hanging from his neck "just like Matt's" and I dipped his head under the water while laughing like a schoolgirl.

He came out of the water and splashed me in the face, I returned the trick and started to chase me with laughter. I sneaked out diving from his slippery skin, but pulled my foot, grabbed me firmly by the hips and threw me into the water again. I wiggled my feet nervously and almost blindly in the depth of the pond, a fish grazed my leg and I strained to Bear. We dive together, swimming in circles, holding our laughter before the other's hair scattered by the water. With a couple of shoves he swam to me and we went out to the surface at the same time, plunges began to take a long time, every time felt the muscles more tense and Bear had white lips and cut. He grabbed me bluntly by the thighs and sat me on his hips while I shook the water from the face and put my hair well... Bear didn’t like to be touched by his hair, but let him remove some moist tufts of the forehead.

It wasn’t bad, was it? - He smiled mischievously again, invading my personal space. Maybe if I were in New York, partying and having a couple more drinks I would have kissed him, or worse, I would have thrown him right there. There weren’t too many men interested in me, so even if I was accompanied, I wouldn’t have missed the opportunity, but I was in Alaska, forging a future with Matt Brown, who must have been tormented by what he had told me while I was playing with his brother. I wanted to hug him, to apologize to him, I shouldn’t have shouted at him either... My awareness should be screaming in my ear "What is that little voice that resounds inside my head? Is the conscience? Do I have that?" Whatever it was, I pulled away from Bear immediately and stepped out of the water. Outside it was worse than inside, the cold slit my body like when Ramsay Bolton slaughtered his victims. "So poor Theon must have felt, I don’t know, but right now I feel as stinking as he." The fish had charred, but the flames still burned and I made a ball at his side to warm me. I wiped the water from my neck and held my hands together so I could regain the senses on the finger. It was so close that the embers began to jump on my toes. I heard Bear come out of the water, dragging his chains, picked up the anorak from the tree branch and threw it over my shoulders, then returned to the cave to get our clothes. At no moment did I look away from the orange dancers dancing to the flames. "What the hell was I thinking? My God, this is Matt! Do I always have to ruin everything? Yes, he has behaved like an idiot, but that doesn’t mean that I has stopped loving him! Not for God's sake! Not much less... But we were both very excited by the visit of Frank and the police. I recalled the words of that idiot: "How much you wear out you will go into the cave of the next savage to tell you that you are special" And I hated myself for having been on the verge of giving him the reason. If I want this to work out, I should swallow my pride for once and apologize for yelling, and then, more calmly, talk about all that change... "There is only one thing I know, and tonight I want to curl up next to him and sleep hugging him until dawn, it's already almost noon, I'm running out of time." I thought about Matt and how well his laughter would stay in that place, I imagined us making love on the shore, or hiding in the cave. I longed to feel Matt's bites on my thighs, his intense breath in the crotch and the way my back arched as he explored with his avid tongue. His body wet and slippery, icy, on mine. And his kisses... his deep kisses after having searched every inch of my body.

Bear sat in front of me, leaving my clothes by my side. He didn’t understand my sudden change of mood, and looked confused "you haven’t done anything wrong, honey, it's me, I hurt all the people I know." I let him play silently with his twigs and coals, I got up and hung the orange sweater from the branch of a tree. I turned around so that Bear didn’t pay attention to me: I took off my black tank top and unbuttoned my bra.

I like the bat-like birthmark on your thigh. - He shouted aloud. "Matt likes it too." I clenched my fists and didn’t respond, I simply put on my sweater and hung my clothes humid from the branches of the tree. Then I went back to sit by the fire, avoiding the crossing of my eyes with the glittering look of Bear-and the tattoo of a stomach... It's very cool, have you seen mine? The wire of thorns and the cross.

Both tattoos were noted. He spoke to me as if nothing had happened, as if we hadn’t been embracing and bathing half-naked just a few minutes ago. This was Bear Brown, always running double the rest of the world, always saying what he thought, flirtatious with himself and with every damsel in distress that crossed his path. No worries about how to look good in front of people. He was like that, and whoever didn’t like it knew the way back. I loved that aspect of Bear, the way of being himself and seeing the world. It reminded me of how Matt acted according to his instinct, which I also loved, as well as I loved the way Noah held fast to his values, Bam's protective character and Gabe's willingness to help. I decided to keep talking to Bear and his world for a while before I faced reality and apologized to Matt:

I liked the shirt you wore the other day, you know, when you came out vomiting from the cabin.-I let out a growl of indignation. "The pink top was a spectacle that day." I grabbed the black, soggy T-shirt and threw it to my face.

It's on my to-do list to go get some decent pyjamas for Alaska, - I scolded him as he laughed. Bear got up to hang up his shirt again and I could see his torso full of scars and wounds. In spite of being so close to him in the water, his small, vibrant eyes hypnotized me in such a way that they didn’t allow me to distinguish the myriad marks that decorated his body.

How did you do that? - I pointed to a huge pink scar under her left breast.

When we were little, we were playing the swords with sticks that were sharpened in the fire, and Gabe slipped out of his hands...- "Gabey's clumsiness!"- But look at this!-He jumped to his feet and pointed to the scar on his back, right on the line of his kidneys.-I don’t even remember how I did it...

It must have hurt a lot.

Maybe, I don’t remember, but it gives me a tough-looking look... does not it?- When Bear talked about his exploits as a walking knight in the woods, he came up and swelled his chest like a cockerel. His eyebrows arched and I let out a small laugh. He sat down next to me again:

You have scars?- The fire between us prevented him from invading my personal space, but he put his face so close to the fire that I thought his hair would burn.

I'm afraid I don’t like those...

My father says that not all the scars are seen on the outside, but that they hurt the same.-"Or even more." I looked down so my eyes didn’t tell him how sad and bad I felt.-Is that why you came out of the water so angry? Did a scar you have inside bother you?

"Rather an open wound."

I swallowed and gave him a light glance long enough to catch his worried face.

Don’t worry, it's just... I've argued with Matt this morning, and we have not fixed it yet.

Why not?

I sighed in resignation:

Because not- "Because I'm too stupid and too proud to apologize."

I don’t understand... Are you still angry with him?-The truth is that I was still a little annoyed, but once I got past the initial warmth I understood the reason for his words.

A little, but I admit that I didn’t behave too well with him either...

So why do not you ask for forgiveness? - Bear had that simple way of seeing the world, for him it was very easy: we argued, but once the anger was passed one had to ask for forgiveness and that's it. You didn’t have to swallow your pride or crawl, just repent and apologize. And all so happy.

I was blank, I didn’t know what to answer.

That man...- he said to break again the awkward silence that had formed between them.

Frank.

Yes, Frank-is he a friend of yours?

No, we were only working together...- I avoided looking into his eyes, always avoided looking into the eyes when I was sad. I knew my eyes would betray me.

He seemed to be determined that you should go with him...- I began to feel the echo of fear in Bear's voice. -That's why you've argued with Matt, are you leaving?"

"OMG! How have I been so blind? That's why Matt had talked to me like this... He was afraid I'd leave. Same as the day I went to Hoonah with Bam without telling him anything. Poor! How could I have been such an idiot? He was just worried about me... He was scared. I'm the worst person in the world!"

I crawled across the floor to sit next to Bear. He didn’t look at me either, he was sad, drawing scribbles with a stick in the ground. I snatched the stick from him and forced him to hold my gaze.

I don’t want you to go away, Ayla," – he seems a little angel, reciting his pleading prayers. -You're my friend, and you're good to me. You're the only person who hasn’t told me to stop, but you've tried to catch up with me. "I didn’t think Bear had noticed, he was more awake than he looked. Undoubtedly, the clearest example of not having to judge a book by its cover. The wild Bear Brown was deeper than I thought. Every minute I spent with him I learned something new. I hadn’t realized that we were both living in the same situation: two solitary souls that didn’t seem to fit anywhere: he was happier climbing a tree and I enjoyed the moments of solitude in nature. Rare critters, geeks, everyone insisted we change, until we had found someone who would understand us instead: I had Matt, he didn’t mind I needing a little time alone, and even if I enjoyed them, I felt accompanied, clothed... Bear had just found a girl who had climbed with him to a tree and got into the ice water. No, he wasn’t in love with me, I was just looking for someone who would at least try to keep up with him, and that person, even if I was surprised myself, was me.-I heard you arguing with Matt, I thought you left him, you were going to leave, and I was trying to avoid it...

"That's why he made all this. Sometimes I'm such a fool... Oh my God! Have I made a friend at last? For the first time in life? Now I understand why Anna was so excited when they first opened the gates of Arendelle. "

Honey. - I said in the mellowest voice that came to me as I stroked his shoulder. -Having discussed it with Matt once doesn’t mean we're going to leave. Sometimes the couples get angry, but that doesn’t mean that I've stopped loving him, much less I'm going to leave.

At last I could make out the clear irises of Bear on that half mischievous smile, that mischievous smile:

So... are you and Matt going to fix things?

I smiled sweetly:

Yes.

When?

Well, I don’t know... - His question left me misplaced.

Why not now? - He jumped to his feet and threw my jeans into my face.

What?

Yes! Come on, right now... Run, go get it... Run! Run! Run!

Not knowing why I stood up like lightning and put on my jeans. I grabbed Bear by the neck and gave him a strong kiss of thanks on the cheek. I didn’t have time to see his reaction since I ran to find Matt. I had forgotten the wet clothes, but I would go looking for it later "the bears will delight in my bra hanging on the branch". I arrived in Brown town with my heart racing. The routine had returned after the departure of the policeman. Bam was working in his hut. I grabbed him by the shoulder and asked hysterically where Matt was. My disjointed face must have frightened him, since he almost stumbles upon a stump and the words come out in pieces:

It's in the bay, with Gabe...

I didn’t thank him and I ran after him, my jeans fell off and my boots slipped. Wet hair was sticking to my forehead. I stopped at the last line of trees before the beach to catch my breath. Next to the skiff, two figures stood erect looking at the sea: the top with the black leather jacket was certainly Gabe, and beside him was Matt's unmistakable hat. I took in all the air that my wasted lungs left me to shout his name, and as the Bear himself would do, I ran to meet him:

Matt! Matt!

Both boys heard me and turned to me. My heart almost flipped over as Matt started to run toward me. Gabey followed him with his eyes. The beat of my heart was rising against closer was his. We fuse the one in the body of the other. I stuck my nose to his neck to get drunk with his scent. Through my shoulder I could see Gabe's gaze as he kicked a stone with rage. "Had I thought I saw a pinch of evil in those round indigo eyes?"

Whatever it was I didn’t attach any importance to and I focused on feeling Matt's strong arms draw me toward him. "That kind of pain was the one I liked to feel." I cupped his cheeks with frozen fingertips, and I could see his glazed blue eyes, filled with sadness, and his face congested with worry. I began kissing him thin lips again and again. Dropping "I love you" between kiss and kiss. He didn’t say anything, didn’t know if it was why he couldn’t or why he didn’t want to. I caressed his cheeks, felt the accelerated beat of his chest on mine. His kisses began to devour me, his hands running down my back. I loved it when he kissed me like that, I wished Gabe wasn’t there to make love to the seashore. I forced Matt to look me in the eye:

I'm sorry babe, I'm so sorry...- I was going to go through the branches telling him that I understood their fears and that Frank had made me very nervous, but I decided to go to the point, as Bear would have done, and there would be time after that. -Sorry Matt I love you, I love you very much....

His blue eyes, his convex and wonderful blue eyes made me start to cry as I apologized. He hugged me, but he didn’t smile. The midday breeze that ran through the mountains made his hair curl.

I love you, Ayla. I love you more than anything in this world, -he finally dared to say with a lump in his throat and between tears. He exchanged a supportive look with Gabe. -But I have to leave…