Chapter III: Gabe

All the chapters are available here: https://aylahurst.blogspot.com/p/no-mans-land.html
All the story is available in Spanish here: https://aylahurst.blogspot.com/p/alaskan-bush-people.html

Wheatear get better for days, just like my mood. Matt had the ability to smile at any time of the day. He was the confidence and self-confidence that I lacked. It was my self-esteem, and little by little and without realizing it was becoming my life. One of the moments that I liked the most of the day was dinner: we sat together and discussed what we had done that day. There were no worries about the money, not the extra pounds, or how bad I had been at work ... Just hunting, building, shots ... Noah's poems, Matt's last stunt, the argument between the two older brothers on how to do a project, Bear howls and Gabe's imitations ... I liked to see Billy and Ami, kissing, shaking hands and hugging each other after so many years together. I started to see myself like this with Matt, married and surrounded by children in the woods ... It was certainly the biggest nonsense I could think of, but in those days I felt so happy and so carefree that I couldn’t even imagine what was coming over me . Matt Brown was the first man on the face of the earth who got me to disconnect from my routine, my work, life in general and enjoy a little. I even began to appreciate a little more when I caught a rabbit on my own and Matt celebrated it as if it were the great triumph of the summer, the whole family celebrated it. I felt good, I felt at home, and each time I felt more valued by the rest of the family members: My second favourite moment of the day was to wake up curled up next to Matt, he stretched lazily and he was attracted to me to him heating. I must admit that sometimes it made me a little goofy, all day on top of me, but he was a smart guy, and then he realized that sometimes it was better to leave me alone for a while to get over the anger than to trouble myself with questions and hugs. At night we spent long hours talking about any nonsense, as if it were a game, we were like children ... We made love until we fell asleep listening to the crackling of the fire. Matt Brown was the only man who could convince me to go to bed with him when I didn’t really want to, the thirteen years he was getting me over were no doubt an inducement of experience. Despite living in the woods, I knew what I should do to a girl: "Ami raised a gentleman, no doubt." He wasn’t very fond of public displays of affection, but Matt said that in Alaska you don’t know if you’ll see them again, so it’s very important that they knows how much you love and value them: he spent the day filling me with kisses and hugs. Noah's words were burned in my head: things I had never wanted to do with a couple, which I disliked, with Matt Brown doing them with emotion, would it be true what my soul mate would be or was just the enthusiasm that would eventually fade with time? "If you don’t try, you'll never know. God doesn’t give us any stronger obstacles that we cannot overcome, "Noah would have answered.

At first I was reluctant to spend time with the Browns, I tried to be as educated as possible, but without the confidence coming out too much: not for being useless, that too, but to pay attention to Naoh's advice, I was starting to really try to try something serious with Matt, to leave everything and live in the forest, but I was afraid that it wouldn’t work, that in a couple of months, a couple of years, or even a couple of decades: love ended, or I longed too much for my old life: "yes, that society that had treated me so badly." But above all, I was afraid to stay, I was afraid to be fond of those people, the family that had treated me so well, and forced me to stay...

Although I adored Matt's infantile character, when I needed a serious conversation, Bam was my refuge, I was amazed by all the culture he had, his manner of speaking ... He was serious and cared for easily, and that’s why I understood him so well and in then he became my confidant. With Noah we spent long periods meditating, we could spend hours sitting side by side, without saying a word, in silence ... delighting in each other's company. I also had a lot of fun with the girls, both were excited that there was another girl in Brown town, at first they fought to get my attention, but we finally got to spend good times all three together doing things with Ami, they even taught me some of their Symbols to communicate in secret.

The matriarch of the clan also fascinated me from the outset, she was so sweet, so sweet. She treated me so well that I distrusted her intentions. She knew perfectly well each of her children, and she had educated them to be perfect knights, in spite of living in the forest. Ami taught me many things, I enjoyed doing it and despite my awkwardness, I had only words of praise for me. I think she was trying so hard to I stay in Brown town and give her those longed for grandchildren. Once, while we were skinned, she began to question me about the life Matt and I were doing in bed, it was a really uncomfortable moment for me. "With the mother of your boy is with the last person in the world about which you would talk about what are the best sexual positions to conceive." That made me think that since I had arrived in the forest I hadn’t taken any type of contraceptives, and without calendar or watch was difficult enough to find out when the last time I had the last period... That conversation was stopped by Birdie. Snowbird became my inseparable friend and counsellor, she knew her brother better than anyone, and when I asked her for advice on how to impress him, she only told me to go it myself. She was a very shy girl, always hidden under the wool cap and those round glasses, she had a hard time opening up to me, and maybe at the beginning she also mistrusted the girl who had brought Matt by the hand on her return from the rehabilitation centre. I was a stranger, the first "girlfriend" who entered Brown town (I didn’t like to say that I was his girlfriend, I was panic that if we officialised the relationship would be all the fret) so I wasn’t surprised that she treated me distantly. In the end we became the friend of childhood that we had both lacked. Bird asked me about life in the big city, about fashion and trend, about what the girls of our age were doing to have fun ... I've never been very sociable or follow the majority, but I tried to orient the girl the best I was able to earn my friendship. Snowbird always said that he adored the forest, personally, I think she said it so as not to disappoint her mother, who was delighted to have them all in Brown town and to found their colony there, but no doubt Birdy was very curious about what it would be like to live in the big city…

Of the other siblings there was Bear too, I got along great with him, we even climbed trees, but that's another story. Of all of them, Billy was the one who treated me more distant, colder. At first I was afraid, it was like an old grumpy bear who had just awakened from hibernation with a bucket of cold water. Matt and Ami told me not to worry, that Billy Brown adored me, only that he was afraid to lose his Alaskan hard-core essence to his son's girl. But I had already seen him cry like a baby and hugged Matt desperately when we returned. Winning the heart of Billy Brown was one of the subjects I had left pending in my stay in the woods.

The one who surprisingly barely spoke to me was the sympathetic and sociable Gabriel Brown. All his acquaintances kept talking about how funny he was, and how great his imitations were. It was sweet, a love ... But when I was close he became serious and returned to his work. He was a big boy, and also quite gaunt, he used to slip often, and when I was near he would leave as much as he could. Matt was a bit clumsy as well, and when he fell he would get up with laughter, I also learned to laugh at my awkwardness, but Gabe didn’t... Gabe seemed to feel like the most dodgy guy in the world and cursed himself for it. My fascination with looking into people's eyes helped me to conclude that Gabe didn’t hold my gaze when I couldn’t tell what colour or shape his eyes were. I tried to have a conversation with him, to show him that I wasn’t as bad as he thought, that I wanted his brother and that I was willing to be part of his family and to lead his way of life. It wasn’t going to be the harpy to take it. It's strange, because the first few times I talked to Gabe, before I started the whole story with Matt, he talked to me normally, he was nice and helpful to me, I even thought he was trying to flirt, but I've had self-esteem as low as ever I have known how to capture when a boy tried to call me or just be nice.

My chance to try to beat Gabe came when the spring began to really wake up: a morning in which the forest appeared bathed in dew. The first breath of air from that dawn I tasted wet ground, I adored that scent because it was the smell of Matt, and I remembered huddled sleeping next to me. Since then I can’t smell the wet land without remembering him ... Billy had organized a hunting departure for that day, but as always happens with the Brown, things became distorted: Rainy became ill and had to take her to the doctor: Bam was taking the helm, and part of the patient was accompanied by Ami, Snowbird and Noah. But not only had to go for the last deer of the season, the bears began to approach and we had to protect the house and the camp against them, we didn’t want to have a bear in the hut again. While Billy was trying to organize his children so we could finish the planned tasks, Gabe volunteered to go hunting for deer.

I'll go with him! - I was surprised by the spontaneity with which I had responded. The whole camp stared at me. "Earth, please treat me, when will I learn to keep my mouth shut when I play? I would avoid ridiculing myself in many situations ... "My voice used to go unnoticed, but the echo of the mountain made sure that the last Brown listened to me.

Never- Gabe answered as quickly.

Why not?-Matt jumped into my defence.-We've been practicing with the rifle for weeks now.-"Have I been here for weeks?" - The other day Ayla hunted a rabbit on her own. I think she's ready to hunt deer, and besides, we don’t have another.

Bam raised his hand.

Surprisingly, I agree with Matt. I've seen Ayla shoot, you have to polish the technique a bit, but it doesn’t hurt.

And she's silent.-"Thanks for your intervention, Noah." He sketched that half-disconcerting half-smile he had.

She hasn’t hunted deer in life!-I felt the tone of disdain with which Gabe spoke about me, as if I weren’t ... It hurt me to treat myself like this, it was like going back to school, when they treated me as dumb and useless . Those feelings that I tried by all means to leave behind reappeared. I felt like crying, lately I cried for any nonsense. "In Alaska, don’t cry," I kept repeating myself over and over again. Matt had a sixth sense to find out when I was uncomfortable and he put his protective arm around me. "The smell of wet ground again."

I think she should go.-Bam said.

And I.-Matt and Noah responded almost in unison.                                                          

We won’t hunt anything, - Gabe argued. -We'll be back empty-handed.

If you're going with these attitude, I'm sure you won’t ..." Matt tried to smile at him without success.

Billy glanced at his two older children, relied on Matt and Bam's judgment. The two boys nodded:

-Bam, Mom, Noah and the girls on the boat. Matt and Bear start repairing the lookout. Gabe and Ayla for the deer. "Concluded the patriarch very solemnly.

I held back to hold back the emotion in front of the old bear. Matt was glad for both of them, took me in his arms and circled me around.

You’ll see. I'm sure you’ll do it great ... -I love Matt’s optimism and the strength he gave me to get things right. Amid all the commotion, I could see Gabe's look of contempt on me ... his eyes were dark blue like an ocean.

I dressed in a wide fleece of camouflage and jeans (the only ones I had), put on my mountain boots, and covered myself with grey gloves. The violet wool cap made my head warmer, and it helped me hold my hair. Matt lent me his weapon:

I know you're going to do it very well. I trust you, the whole family trusts you ... -he said, shaking my shoulders at the edge of his cabin. "Matt, you put more pressure on me ..." We'll eat deer tonight, you'll see ...-He looked at me with her beautiful blue eyes.-Come here… -He hugged me tenderly, rocking me in his arms. He kissed me on the head. I felt so safe, so comfortable when I felt the beat of his heart and the slow breathing of his chest next to my face.

I promise I'll do my best...- I forced a smile as I looked into his eyes. They glowed with pride, it bothered me to look at myself like that, and I felt more pressured and afraid to defraud him. I loved to shoot but I still didn’t have the aim very well-tuned, and apart was the issue of having to deal with Gabe.

I know you will.-Matt kissed me on the lips. "In Alaska you don’t know when you'll see someone again ..."-I love you.

I gasped and didn’t know what to answer, I blushed and a whole anthill began to climb down my throat. I felt my heart race and my cheeks heated. Fortunately Captain Bam came to save me. I released Matt's forearms quickly, as if it were wrong to hug him in public, but neither Matt nor Bam seemed to bother:

Gabe is waiting.-he said in a passive, careless voice.

Gabe had already started when we arrived:

If you don’t hurry, we aren’t going to hunt until the next year.

I said goodbye to Matt and the rest of the family with a quick good bye and I started to walk behind Gabe. It was so high and large that one of its strides was three of mine, I had to struggle to keep up with the weight of the weapon on my shoulder. Billy had told him to take care of me, but Gabe seemed to act as if I weren’t.

"Don’t take it personally," Birdy had told me a few days before, while we chewed deer hearts sitting near the bay. "Matt and he have always been very close-knit, adventurous, and inventive, when you came, Matt started to pay you more attention than him and I suppose he must have a little envy. But don’t worry, he'll understand. Gabe has the heart of gold.”

The plan was to walk to the rocks of salt, among the slopes of the forest, so that they wouldn’t see us, once there waiting for the other side of the mouth of the stream until we spotted some specimen and then shoot. It was an easy hunt, but not very safe, it was a hunting season, if any hunter had been prowling around the area recently, the deer wouldn’t come down to suck salt from the stones. The top of the mountain was a safe hunting ground, but the climb was very steep and Billy didn’t want to risk either of them getting hurt. If there were problems, we had to shoot three times in the air, they would respond with one shot, and we would shoot another three bullets.

Between Gabe and I as soon as there was communication on the first stretch of the road, he made his way along the muddy dirt roads, and I thought of Matt's farewell: "He loves me, he said he loves me ..." I couldn’t stop laughing foolishly, as a teenager after the first date. I began to eat my head about how I would react when I met him again: I had not told him anything, I hadn’t reciprocated his princely fairy-tale words. "OMG! But what a fool I've been: I've been silent, he'll think I don’t love him ... But do I really want it? Those are bigger words. Not long ago we met, oh yeah? I don’t know exactly how long I've been here ... And if he thinks I don’t love him! What if he throws me out of here? I don’t want to leave ... I don’t want to return to the horrible situation of New York, nor to return to Barcelona. I want to continue living my fairy tale with Matt, with my Tarzan from Alaska. My male version of Ygritte ... Should I tell him that I love him, even if I'm not sure about it? Oh my God ... why do all these insecurities make me suddenly? It's not my first formal couple, I've lived this before ... And I always end up the same ... This is worse than the Bridget Jones Diary."

I was so engrossed in arguing with myself that I ended up slipping and falling to the ground foolishly. Gabe turned and put his finger to his lips.

You're going to scare the deer.

-I'm sorry, sometimes I'm a little clumsy.-I tried to make myself nice, although I think my look of "Yes, I'm fine, thank you for worrying" betrayed my true thoughts.

The morning didn’t get any better when we got to the salt rocks. The general rule was who sees the deer is in charge of firing. No one would think that I, who spent the day in the clouds and had not hunted in life, saw that white and brown tail shaking among the grey rocks. "The fate of the beginner". I placed a hand on Gabe's shoulder and pointed to the right place. He nodded and walked a few steps, covered by some bushes.

"It's my turn to shoot," I thought in my head. But it wasn’t time to argue, moreover, that I hated to do so. "From there you come, stop approaching. You're going to scare it... "I felt my heart race and my stomach knotted. If I was clumsy, Gabe was twice as big, tripped with a root that protruded from the ground and fell down, blood on his chin, and the doe ran. I had the gun loaded, I pointed quickly but failed. Birdy or Bam might have hit the target, but Gabe's clumsiness and my lack of experience made the mission fail.

We waited a few more hours in the hope of seeing some deer again, but there was no luck, and to top it off it started raining. Finally we came home drooping and drenched. Gabey lamented loudly, I was trying to cheer him on, but he kept pretending I wasn’t with him.

He was a dick Gabey, you're the dodgiest guy in the world ... If I had been a little more agile I would be bringing dinner home. I hate coming back empty-handed.

Everyone has a bit of bad luck sometime. You don’t have to regret that.

What do you know about bad luck?-His arrogance broke my heart and I felt like crying, but, as always, I restrained myself.

I also have bad days...-I trembled, so I tried to keep my tone as steady as I could.

You blogged, you published four books and they hired you in Hollywood. You do scripts, books, and shows. You take photos and sign papers. You win a lot of money ... Everything has come out round

I wanted to shout at him that it wasn’t all roses, but I hated arguing. It was one of the things I hated the most in the world, I preferred to take the blows to defend myself. I let everything slip like raindrops, and when I was alone I kicked and cried and cursed and insulted.

This is the problem of the townspeople like you- he continued, grunting. -You think you can get everything you want sitting in your comfortable office chair, without moving a muscle...

The boy was so busy insulting the cosmopolitan that he forgot the first rule of the forest: "Pay attention where you step" And Gabriel Brown returned to show off his talent to stumble over anything and fell through a muddy slope. I slid behind him. I grew up on the mountain, so I was more accustomed to stony ground than Gabey believed, and I knelt down next to him. He held his ankle tightly and lamented with pain. He had scratched his face and the gap in his chin had still bled. It was past half a day, the sun would soon begin to descend.

Let me see,-I said, taking his hands off his ankle. He resisted, but I got the boot off. He folded it on both sides, he complained a little, but it didn’t seem broken, if not more a twist that would pass once the fright had passed.-It doesn’t seem serious, we'll light a fire and rest for a while.

You don’t know how to light a fire...

No,-I scanned in my backpack-but I have this.-Pull a cigarette lighter out of one pocket. I dogged a small hole in the ground, filled it with dry grass and twigs and lit it with the lighter. I blew until it lit up and formed small flames. Gabe was astonished.-I didn’t know if it would work, but I've seen Bear do it several times.

I blushed again and tried to hide my look of pride at my small triumph. It had stopped raining, but everything smelled of wet ground: "Matt" the thick dark green trees covered our heads, leaving us in shadow. I placed Gabe's ankle on top of me and began to massage him gently to ease the pain:

Wow ... you have more talent than I thought- he said in surprise.-I think I've dismissed you. The way you have managed to handle the problem and where did you learn to do this?-His voice had regained the joy that characterized it.

Internet is very useful, and something I had to serve the master in crisis management ...- I joked.

For the first time I saw him smile. He had a broken tooth, but even so his smile was wonderful: I didn’t wake butterflies in the stomach, like Matt's, or disturb me like Noah's. He invited me to laugh with him, to share a joke, a while ... That was the Gabe I wanted to see. I was surprised by the great change he made from the first time I spoke with him until the day I returned from Matt's hand. I had seemed like a funny, pleasant, somewhat shy guy ... He even seemed to be trying to flirt with me, but at the moment he was so engrossed in publishing the blissful book that he had hardly paid any attention to it. Then I tried to avoid myself on all sides, I felt bad about myself, because I didn’t know that I had done wrong, I tried to convince myself that I was only jealous because Matt had a girlfriend and he didn’t, as Birdy thought, but the charge of conscience It was still there, in my head, and I didn’t know why.

If you know how to fix it when things go wrong, you'll be welcome in the Brown family- Everyone assumed I was going to stay there, the fact is that I hadn’t made any decisions yet. It was my dream, I was living my fairy tale, just like in my books ... But now, it was real. - Matt is a lucky guy.

It seemed that saying that cost him a great effort:

You all say that, but it is not true. I'm not as wonderful as you think. I always end up spoiling everything ... I have a complicated character ... My mood swings aren’t very "bearable". - "Not to mention my depressive attacks and when I get angry I pay everyone." I wanted to respond that the lucky one was me, for meeting Matt, but I preferred to remain silent.-I don’t want to be a burden to Matt or your family ... I'm weak and loose.- Gabe's gaze on me made me very uncomfortable: the indigo eyes like the sea and that mischievous half smile with a broken tooth. Despite being in the spring it was very cold for me: but Gabe was comfortable with his tank top and his check shirt. His cheeks had flushed with fire. It smelled of sawdust and iron, of construction, of house under construction. His breath was stronger than Matt's, and I had to hold the breath if he came too close to me.

Can I ask you something personal?-I nodded. Maybe if I opened up to him, I could earn his iron heart.-Why do you value yourself so little?

What?-I had understood the question perfectly, but I didn’t want to answer him. I hated talking about myself, because that always meant crying. He would feel sorry for me, and I refused to do so. Grief was my most infallible weapon to get what I wanted, but in Alaska I wanted them to want me for being myself. It was a soul in pain with a mask of smiles and fame.

Matt talks a lot about you, he has taught me your writings ... They are very ... sad. Matt says it's because you've suffered a lot, because you're not well ... You just told me that you don’t think Matt deserves you, why not?

My defence was to get my best smile:

-Edgar Allan Poe once said "You write very well, the inside of your mind must be a terrible place." - Gabe stuck his indigo eyes on me, waiting for a little more explanation. I sighed deeply.-I've always been a very shy girl, I've never had too many friends because I'm unable to talk to people. It gives me panic, terror ... But when I was about fourteen or fifteen, I fell in love with a boy and incredibly went well. It went right! We went out together and we were okay for a few months. I dreamed of him every night ... It was the love of my life.

-But…

Remembering it made me want to cry. I concentrated on a blade of grass on the ground to avoid looking at Gabe in the eyes:

It let. He just left me, it was over ... I ended up shattered, I wanted to die. I didn’t want to tell my family, my mother would have been very angry if she had seen me cry for a man. So I entrusted to them how my friends were devastated. Her reply was that it was normal that he brake me: I wasn’t a pretty girl and I was fat. It's more they were surprised that I had ever seen attractive ... I didn’t defend myself, I never knew how to do it because I hate to argue, I prefer to take the blows before I give them back. Words sometimes hurt more than punches.

You're joking...- Gabe looked genuinely astonished.-You got it from some book.

A tear slipped down my cheek.

I wish it had only been a nightmare. From that day I became obsessed with food, I made very absurd decisions: like to stop eating or vomit everything. No one believed me, they said it was just a way to get attention and that I would pass ... I've spent hours soaked in tears and vomiting, locked in a bathroom. Without anyone caring, nobody asked for me or I came to look ... I believe that there began everything: I began to despise me because I cared no one. Not eating and being weak happened to my studies and my notes began to fall. It's hard for me to learn and take on new concepts, so it wasn’t just the one that nobody cared about, the ugly one, the fat one, I was also the fool ... I started to think that if I didn’t care about anyone, if no one had bothered to look for me when I spent hours locked in the bathroom of the school, is that really nothing was worth anything ... Now, every time I have a problem I prefer to keep it for me, not to disturb the world with my nonsense. I don’t want to be a burden to either Matt or the family, Gabey.

But you're not a burden ... -It was huge, but I had the voice of a fifteen-year-old boy who hadn’t yet made the change of voice-You are ... you are admirable: you have achieved many things based on effort and perseverance, after all those sticks ... just like Ayla Adger to get the throne from Malmö.

I looked up to see Gabe, blushed exaggeratedly, and stared at the blades of the fire in front of his noses, glancing at me from time to time ...

Have you read The Dragon Wars? It was my first book.

And the only one I've read in my life,-he confessed.-During the year we spent in the city, I saw it at a second-hand flea market and thought: a princess riding a dragon? It can’t go wrong ... I think I've reread it a hundred times.

Really?-I felt watery. No one around me used to read my writings, it was enough to know how much they paid me for publication or how many followers I had in the networks. If anyone had bothered to do so, my tortured soul might have suffered a little less ... - What is your favourite part?

Gabe cleared his voice to sound like a handsome prince of the middle ages:

“I cannot believe it, I have fallen in love with the princess of Malmö, I am crazy about the daughter of my father's greatest enemy, I would give my life for the horseman whose family expelled mine from his island" - recited by heart and proudly as a child who just learned multiplication tables.

Robb's confession of love, you've learned it by heart. - I whispered excitedly and with a smile. I wiped the tears from my eyes with my sleeve. How sweet he was, no doubt the woman who took him would be very lucky...

Since we're honest, I must have admitted that I learned it a little while ago, when I knew you were coming ... I wanted to impress you.-Gabey was very shy, he spoke in inaudible sighs and almost without looking into my eyes. I crawled up to him and caressed his thigh, as if he could trust me, though he still didn’t look me in the face:

I really liked The Dragon Wars, so I asked the production team of the serie if I could talk about you: they taught me the series where you participated, your books, and some interviews where you talked about how sick you had been: And I thought, my God! She is the girl of my dreams: I knew everything about you, I know that your favourite poem is: "The princess is sad", you adore Les Misérables and the phrases of Victor Hugo. You have a stain on the left eye, so you have them of different colour-really that Gabe knew everything, didn’t know how to react, "does he really like or have an obsession with me?" I had to really admire myself and for a moment I wondered if I had chosen the right brother- And when they told me that you would come here, I just ... wanted to impress you.

I was astonished that despite being so shy I tried to impress myself, I wouldn’t even have dared to speak to him.

Well, I think you've got it, I'm impressed, I'm…-I smiled in praise. He was the first one who didn’t make me feel worthless in Brown town, but valued my talent writing and thanked him deeply.

Not the way I intended.

His indigo eyes glanced sideways. I had so little confidence in myself that I didn’t know where he wanted to go:

I don’t know what you mean…-My voice began to tremble, I used to be wrong in these things, I didn’t read well between lines.

My favourite character of The Dragon Wars was Robb Madden: he was handsome, strong, brave, and ready for anything for the girl he loved-I didn’t understand that drastic change of subject-but now I feel more identified with Axel Pendragon, he also took the girl out of her dreams...

Well…

"How I had been so blind! He was in love with me, Gabe was in love with me ... It was difficult enough that I liked a boy to like two. That's why he was treated that way, like when you're little and bedbugs to the child you like to get their attention. I wanted so little to myself that in my head there was no idea that I liked a boy like that because I did. I didn’t know why Matt had told me that he loved me, but much less conceived the idea that Gabe liked it too. I couldn’t tell if I had acted differently from knowing it or had played with both, taking advantage of the moment of feeling really wanted. But Matt, it was Matt and his wet ground smell, not Gabe's construction smell, or Noah's burned hands. The smell of Matt, his inventions and his ideas ... Gabe was a real sweetness, but I liked Matt and his way of seeing life as a game. Immediately I took his hand from his thigh:

I don’t blame you, or Matt, but he knew that I idolized you ... I was angry with him when I saw you reach by the hand. He spoke wonderful things about you, how you had helped him, and how good and understanding you had been with him- "did Matt really have that image of me? I blushed as Matt spoke about me. "Maybe he really loved me."- It was the first time someone broke my heart that way. You'll think I'm stupid.-he scratched his head nervously.

No ... I've fallen in love with someone I didn’t know. In fact, I still have a poster of Misha Collins hanging in the room and in my dreams he's still my future husband.-I let him laugh for a moment.-Now seriously, I may not know much about building houses or hunting deer, but there are thing in which I am expert: in the amorous disappointments. At first it hurts a lot, but a wise man once told me: "God doesn’t set us obstacles that we cannot overcome."

We both laughed:

You spend too much time with Noah.

Yes, it’s true.

I can hardly believe that a girl like you has a love affair. Look at you: you are beautiful and nice, and intelligent...

I've been caught by some love deception too...-Gabe was sure there were a thousand boys behind me around the world, but I didn’t want my brain to be able to process the hints either. I really enjoyed the solitude, because there were no boys there who ignored me for ugly, or friends who called me fat. But then Matt appeared in my life, and although I had to admit it, even if I refused to lose my identity as a strong, independent woman, I wanted to be with him in my forest paradise ... -Does Matt know?

I think Matt's having a teenage romance at thirty-three, - Gabe admitted.-I don’t think I suspect anything. He knows I idolized you, but he's done. "As childish as he was, Matt Brown didn’t have a fool's hair." I think he's even maturing ... He takes things more seriously and even read your book. He really wants you to stay...

It seemed too nice to me that Matt had read my book, no doubt Gabey had influenced him a lot in convincing him to leave his inventions for a while and dedicate himself to reading a book.

I didn’t want to talk about it, to start thinking about resuming my old life or seriously considering staying in the woods would mean starting to take things seriously, and I didn’t want my fairy tale to end.

Maybe our relationship won’t end well ... Not because I don’t love him, I really do, I do, but I'm afraid to spoil everything, to finish my story and return to that reality I hate.

God doesn’t give us obstacles…

Okay, okay ... I get It.-I finally got Gabe to giggle with me.

Now I would do as usual, keep the distance with Gabe for a few days, and then do as if nothing happened, as if nothing had happened. The guilt would reassure me inside ... I didn’t want to start my new life by hiding things from Matt.

You'll be fine?

I'll get over it ... You brought my brother back, I cannot hate you. He loves you so much, and you make him happy. When I see you together you remind me of my parents ... and they have been very happy all their lives, and have been together for many years...

You're a charm, Gabe, the girl who marries you will be very lucky.

His half smile told me that he would follow my advice, but I cringed his heart before his eyes of "the girl I wanted is lying with my brother."

I wrote countless love stories, adored them and dreamed of living them in the first person. But I had never considered having a real partner. I had also made the mistake of being with a person only by routine, believing that I couldn’t aspire to anything else, although in the end I had preferred solitude, my beloved solitude. Maybe Noah was right and the love for life is there, only you have to look good.

We should go back, it's going to be night. How is your foot?

I'll survive,-he said, standing up. –Wait- Gabe froze, staring at a fixed point, I looked where he pointed behind me. A rabbit. He pointed at Matt's gun and put a finger to his lips to keep quiet. I grabbed the rifle and crawled across the floor until I had the scary rabbit on the target: I fired. Out of the burrow came another animal: double. The fate of the beginner, probably, but at least we wouldn’t go home empty-handed.

When we showed up on the way, it was almost dark, and the boys were already preparing to come and look for us, Matt was the first to come to meet us. He hugged me effusively, I returned the greeting but without so much enthusiasm, it was powdered and I was starving:

I'm glad to see you guys, are you okay?-He greeted us.

Yes,-said Gabe-How is Rainy?

It's better ... I see there hasn’t been much luck with the deer.-Matt watched the two rabbits Gabe wore in his hand. Little by little, the rest of the boys gathered around us. Gabe turned red: he had to tell that he had become too nervous to have to hunt in front of the girl he liked and that he had missed the shot. He began to babble and say nonsense:

There were traces of recent hunters-another of my great abilities was lying-we haven’t seen a single deer all day.

But look,-he said-we've got rabbits. Ayla has hunted them.

It's a pitty, I really wanted to eat deer...- Billy lamented.

Matt lifted me up and kissed me:

My girl brought us a bunny for dinner! I can’t wait to see how Mom cooks it ... What hunger has hit me.

"I'm his girl." I looked at Gabe sideways in Matt's arms, trying to force a smile.

During dinner, Gabey explained "my great feat" about how I had healed his foot. I felt flooded and valued for the first time in a long time. I hadn’t needed to go out on the TV or publish a book for someone to tell me, "well done." No, I had just had a foot massage. And I felt happy, at peace with myself. And Matt's eyes were full of pride on me, but I also felt the sad looks of Gabe, who tried to conceal between imitation and imitation.

Matt gave me a night of massage and care for my "great job". I loved to be pampered like that, even if it sounds cheesy, sometimes I like to feel like a princess ... His strong hands took my knots off my back. It hurt, but I suppressed the pain by biting the pillow. He gave me a tender kiss on the back:

I know it hurts, but they have to be taken away, but it will get worse.

It's my turn to take care of you.-I was powdered and I just wanted to sleep, but he didn’t want Matt to think I was lazy and that by a simple hunt I had lost interest in him...

You can do other favours for me.

Matt sat me up and started kissing me and biting my back as he squeezed my breasts and stroked my body over my shirt:

Matt ... Matt ... Gabe liked me.

He stopped kissing me and stood before me. His blue eyes and thin lips glowed with the flames of the stove. He pushed a lock of hair from my eyes.

I know, and I feel very badly about him. I've always said that if one of my siblings got too fond of a girl, I'd pull away, but I didn’t ... "we're Matt people, we're selfish. You do not have to feel bad about it.”- I didn’t think about it when we were in the cabin, not even when I took you to Brown town. But I know Gabey, and I knew immediately that I had done wrong. By then it was too late and I dared not tell you anything.

"For Matt Brown to take some serious business was a challenge, even if it was the dazed heart of his younger brother."

Our fingers played together intertwined. Matt looked at me as he alone knew how to do it:

He's a strong boy and the first disappointment of love is always hard. But it will surpass it ... It is the life ... - I said to him. "Noah's words were still in my head"

He pushed me back and we lay on the bed, sucked the smell of wet ground that unclasped his bare chest and played with the fang that hung around his neck. He stroked my shoulder and occasionally kissed my hair:

You think I should have left?

I don’t know ... I've never had anything like this- I answered truthfully. I had never considered what to do in case the boy I liked also liked my best friend, especially because I had never had a best friend and I didn’t even dare talk to the guys that I liked. And if he did it would end badly-I suppose I would let everything flow, to follow its course...

Matt sat up suddenly, laughing:

“To follow its course?" What kind of answer is that?

I don’t know ..." I laughed at his comical reaction.

You never know anything ... How's that phrase in the book that you like so much? Ah yes, you know nothing Ayla Hurst ... "he mocked me.

I gently stroked his cheek and continued the prescribed dialogue before Matt's wonderful smile.

I know some things: I know I love you and I know you love me." Matt's embrace was the tenderest, warm and sincere I ever received. His rough hands wrapped around my back and kissed my temple. I said to myself the rest of the dialogue: "I have to go home now."